Episode Transcription

00:00 and thanks for watching things. I learned that it's night. If you want to go any further in this episode, though we're gonna have to see some real ID. That's a real thing right now. You cannot continue without it, so show us that little star on your ID. If you want to see the rest of it, it's a stupid bit. Oh my gosh, all right, this is things over last night. It's a comedy podcast. We're gonna learn some stuff. Let's get into it. 00:28 Juicy America's Abbas juicy. This is this is this is a Pope or Emperor Emperor. This is a per juicy. This is ever juice. Am I right? I hope we kiss it wrong. I'm going to kiss that Pope. Things I learned last night. 00:58 Hey man, what's up dude? Have you ever heard of I'm so excited to be here? I love doing this podcast. I just want you to know that I get good good happy that happy. Have you ever heard of the cadaver sinned say the second word cadaver sinned? Sinned sinned s y and o d sinned son on no okay, I ever is dead body yeah to some 01:27 Hey here, we'll start this. We'll start this. Have you ever heard of hold on? Let me, let me make this name right. You know what it is. I think the tables further away. Is it you want to pull it in? Yeah, pull it in. Oh yeah, that's nice. It feels cosier. This does feel I think we had pushed it out. Comfort clients in here earlier. We did. That's right. We're realters. You want us to suck your house? We're not good at it. 01:56 we haven't a single one having gone through the real estate license process. I understand how real real tours and used car salesman are just middleman that don't need to exist. There's no reason for the that their only job is to rack it up the industry to get more and more cost more yeah. I mean sorry if you're a realtor. I'm not jaren doesn't think you should have a job. I don't think that you what you're doing is an actual job yeah. Okay, 02:23 build a house with your hands. You're just a middle man and honestly there's probably some realtor who's like kind of having some excellent crisis and realtors really are. What else are they? Let's say it together. 02:38 failed models and so it's all these it's on these or failed musicians or failed failed failures, failed, people who have no actual marketable skills and so they go. I'll get my real estate license because I because I dropped out of college and what else am going to do and so anyway? I like them. 03:02 and if you want to book me for a realtor conference, I would love to come to jokes and I promise I won't do those. If you book me for a realtor conference, I'll make fun of nurses. Nurses are not a back boat. What are they failed realters anyway? Yikes. I love being on this podcast. I mean, I'm so happy to be here. Yeah, good. Have you heard of for Moses? No. Okay. Okay. 03:31 yeah for most averson on for most is. I'm pretty sure is Latin for nice face, okay, although let me double check that actually yeah well formed. It's Latin for well formed, but okay, we'll start from the top. We'll start from the top. Let me show you. Let me show you this picture. This is this is a guy by the name of Formosus. I said 04:00 he's a good looking fellow. He's a good looking guy, the same haircut. Oh my gosh, I will say I will say that hair choice. We haven't seen that haircut in a long time. Is that something you should do dude for audio listeners? He's bald, you know, it's pattern ball. This has got the hair on the sides above the ear, you know, and then he's got like a unicorn 04:25 little a hair of the top of his forehead and it's very small. It's like a very. It really is like a unicorn. Yeah, yeah and I love it. I personally am a big fan. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. I do want to make notice of something real quick before we get too far into this episode. I have a message for Walton Goggins Walter Walter Goggins or is a Walton Walton. Sorry, what do you want to say to Walton? 04:53 Walton Goggins. This is thank you. I do just want to say thank you to all Goggins. Yeah, your side glasses company has changed. no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I've noticed a trend on social media the way here's the deal Walton. It makes more sense because you're about twenty years my elder, but your hair lighting is receding. I'm sure you're aware mine is also 05:22 started a lot earlier than yours did. I'm sure but his most recent role in white lotus white lotus. There's a lot of chatter on social about the clay's most recent role is Jim stones, but yeah, I guess yeah another recent role at white lotus. There's been a lot of chatter on social about how good his receiving hairline looks like how good it is. Are you going to grow your hair out like 05:45 what you're to do the long hair like he does well. What I'm trying to say is thank you for making receiving hairlines cool like because now I don't have to feel bad because now I'm like yeah. I'm doing the wall. I hate that this is a little earn a doing the Goggins thing like yeah you doing the Goggins thing yeah. I'm just gaga. What are you doing? People are going to that you're doing David Goggins, which is like the wake up at two thirty in the morning and like freaking I don't know kill a wolf or whatever they do in the morning. 06:13 I don't know. I'm saying is walt and you're like yeah, I'm on that Gog and grind and what you really mean is that your hair is slowly working its way back. I've got a I got a couple. We're talking about an ancient guy yeah. We're talking about an ancient guy, the guy, a naked ancient guy. This guy just said so what's his name again for for osmosis for Moses, for a Jones yeah he he is osmosis Jones. Okay, for Moses 06:43 for most of the good pop culture reference for most. This was born in the year eight sixteen. There's not even a teen. Well, I guess there's a teen on the last, but it's not eighteen sixteen. It's an eight sixteen. He's early. Oh wow early world yeah, and he lived in where did he live? Where is this a Rome? Have you heard of it? Yes, 07:06 and he he wanted to be like a bishop. He pursued. He was really big on his faith, really big on why look at me like that. I'm just trying to do. You know the ranks of the Catholic Church bishops. Yeah, do you know the ranks? No, that's why I'm asking. Oh okay, cardinal cardinals can become the pope. Is she the Vatican's going to have a McDonald's now that the new post American 07:37 new pope is from the Midwest, can't spell pope without hope. What new pope's from Chicago, new pope is from Chicago, you can't spell pope without oh okay. I get it. Okay, you're make okay. I I didn't understand what the op was. Okay, here it is. Here's the here's the rankings. You start out as just an ordinary normal, we measly catholic right and then you are you hold it. What is that 08:05 so you start as a me is start at a low life measly little trampled on stupid living in the basement drinking wine having seven kids. Here's the thing most people say at that bottom level because you can make out with people above this. You can't make out with no more kissing. They still do, but they get in trouble for it. 08:30 That's the thing they don't tell you about that first line in this pyramid is that line means no more kissing. You can't kiss ever again. The popes is a pyramid scheme learning yeah, yep and pop a see pop a see. think it's pop a see okay, because he's the papa. That's why the top and so yeah, you go measly little Catholic pop and then you've become the priest, the priest and then those are the people in your local church. Yeah, like pre ships are above them, but yeah, bishops are the district managers. 09:00 our are the national yeah, the national ret cardinals are the are the global V P's. So how many cardinals are there? I don't know, but if you watch the movies, it looks seems like there's a lot honestly though cardinals goes pretty hard. Like have you seen the pictures like the cardinals? I see a lot of first traps 09:20 honestly though, like the card. I have fallen into so many thirst edits of the Filipino Cardinal, I forget his name. Had he become the Pope by the way, because he was one of the top by one of the top like choices. You know Sam yeah, yeah, I forget his name. The Filipino guy, my neighbors grew up with him. Oh, that's right. It would have been like oh my neighbors know the Pope. That's crazy. You mentioned that earlier. 09:45 because we're recording this the day the pope was selected. Yeah, pope just got hope just got chosen baby. You mentioned that to me that the Filipino one you're like oh, the Filipino one didn't get selected and I was like a Filipino one that will the Filipino one that sounds that's what you said worse. That's not what I say. Is that what I said earlier? I shouldn't have the Filipino cardinal the fillet user. The Filipino cardinal wasn't selected and you said that to me and I was like. Are you following this that closely that you've like 10:12 picked out a hand. You really wanted to go like that's what my brain, which you know how I found out you saw text me and was like hey, here's a joke. You can use can't spell pope without hope, so that's what he takes that to. So that's that's saw Malone. That's his work. Yeah, he used to be your opener, but now he's way further out of you and his career saw Malone. Yeah, he went on tour with you and open for you for a little bit. No, yes, he did. No, you're thinking of Ross, no rusted 10:42 but all went with you know, because after Ross all went with you on one saw saw tour management for me. He would call ahead and make he would do my advancing stuff for me. I thought he never went with me and open for you. That'd cool though. So you want to run on the road? Okay, anyway, he doesn't listen to this. Saul works for bigger podcast all works for the Kelsey brothers. Part of it all would help us. We would we could do better. You know what I've tried to drop some hints. Here's a picture. All knows Michelle Obama 11:09 here's a picture of the cardinals just going hard dude. It isn't that there's a lot of we can it's pretty cool. There is something. Here's the thing. I mean okay, so that's why I was interested in the in in poppice poppice, however you say it. I am interested in this is like this is hundreds of years of tradition that we do it this way and like they close the Sistine Chapel and the fact that they chose like the next day like it's just that's it's crazy stuff. It's so 11:39 and we've talked on this podcast before about how there's not a lot of cultural rights that we have yeah in American culture, because it's all these different islands and really American culture is just buying stuff. That's what we've got culture. We've got just buying stuff so enough. You should buy our merch go to shop dot to it. I wasn't trying to plug 12:07 Hey, actually I do want to take our culture, so I do actually want to that to the dot. I do want to take a moment. Okay, I do want to say this. All yeah, take a moment if in this, because this is real, because I really do think our culture is just buying stuff like everything. Everything in my life is an advertisement. I'm so mad that my my echo like in my living room where I get like I looked up my weather the other day and there's a little widget that's an advertisement for a shower curtain next to the weather and I that made me so angry. So I just want to make sure that when you're listening to this podcast, 12:36 You should know that joining us on Patreon, now I'm not talking, hold on, hold on, let me finish through yeah. Listen to this ad, no, no, joining us on Patreon is you're not missing anything. I don't want. I'm not going to sell you the Patreon is like oh, this will make your life better, and if you don't do it, then you're really miss out. It will listen joining the toilet like you get to join our hangouts, whatever, but please do not feel like if you don't have the ability to support us like there will always be a free option of this show. 13:05 and you can listen to it and enjoy it and like there's certain perks to coming with joining a patron, but it's not like you're missing out. I hate whenever it's like a join a picture and you get three extra episodes and because I even tried to listen to a podcast that I listened to this where it got me really mad as I landed. I had to drive, you know, so I landed l A X. I landed like eleven p.m. I got to drive forty five minutes home and I was like okay, let me put the podcast on and it's usually available. I went to go click on it and it was like 13:31 now it's two ninety nine. If you want to listen to it, the day it drops or you got to wait three days and then you can listen to it. I we won't do that to you. Yeah, you get early access, but we're never going to pay wall. It's like it's just that makes me that so I'm I'm serious when I say like our patron is like it's a way to support the show and help us grow it. That's cool. That's fun. We love doing our hangouts. You get extra perks, but you're not like missing out by not being a part of it. I don't want you to have FOMO a hundred percent yeah yeah because this is a super culture, but that's what if join our patreon 14:00 then you can join a discord with the house and producers. Hey, get to know us. You could go on patron hangouts and our hosts and producers. You pay says that all the time like it's not us. You get all the other. goes our hosts and producers. I'm to be honest with you. I was missing there. Let's see out on a lot for not being a big. I'll tell you who does listen to the podcast because he's an American, a true red blooded American, the pope, the pope, the pope. So this guy's a bishop, which is a bishop, third layer of 14:28 he's not a bishop yet. He wants to be a bishop, so he's pursuing the life of a bishop. I think he's just a regular musical catholic. He's out here kissing is that the rule for priests like you've never. I don't know if it's you never, but it's you definitely never can again. I don't know if it's I don't know if it's you never have okay, but it's definitely you never will. Okay, I don't know that much, but 14:58 And so he does his he grows up, goes to Catholic schools, goes to the you know the whole route, straight seminary. That was the word I after going through all that he ends up getting placed. He became and we're going to fast forward a long time. He's born eight sixteen. We're going to fast forward all the way to eight sixty four where he does a while, becoming the Cardinal Bishop of the 15:26 suburb a carrying diocese of portis portis was a suburb of Rome, which is interesting. Now that I'm I haven't thought about this before, but suburb a carrying. I guess I just didn't realize there was suburbs in eight and not even eighteen and eight hundred sixty four. Yeah, there's been suburbs, though, because like the whole thing is that you try to live as close to the kingdom as you can yeah, but like you couldn't commute in the Rome 15:57 people. you think the room yeah? They lived in barracks on the edge of town, but they're still still in city limits. They're still in kingdom, but that's what I'm saying. Like the edge of town is a suburb. I mean, I guess I don't know and then to me. I mean it's like it's just like a smaller little community pops up over here and they build close to this city. That's kind of like it's like oh we're technically a different place or whatever. Ha interesting. Okay, well 16:25 so he's he becomes big. Okay, well all right, so he's the archbishop. No, he wasn't. He's the cardinal. He's the cardinal bishop. I don't I'm going to be honest. I don't understand this because it says cardinal bishop. Maybe this is different at this time because like this be calling him the cardinal bishop. He's two of these things and he's not the one in the middle. I don't know how this I don't know what the function is yeah, but I don't think it's just cardinals. I think it's called a cardinal bishop. I think it's like oh, so it's like your 16:53 Yes, they have archbishop, cardinal bishop. Yes, this just says cardinals. Yes, because it would fit in the tiny square up there. Yeah, I think you're right. I'm asking. All right. You're asking who the internet? Yeah, Cardinal Bishop. Yeah, that is that is what you call it. These are oh, the Cardinal Bishop is the highest rank within the cardinals. 17:16 So you had the cardinals and then at the end you have a cardinal priest, the cardinal cardinal bishop. Yeah, you have the cardinal archbishop for each of these. have Catholic regular old measly Catholics, but then each of them they you've got. If you're a cardinal, you have the regular old measly Catholic Cardinal, except the Pope, there's one of those Bishop Cardinals. Yeah, that's why it's so special is because there's only one okay. Now that we've established Catholic culture, but you in order to become Pope, you have to have been a cardinal. I think so okay. I think so, but you can't 17:46 Yeah, I think I think so like they couldn't just call us up and be like you. I want to be pope 17:54 Yeah, maybe. Let's find out. Can anyone be the pope? 18:02 technically any baptized Catholic male could become pope. So if you're anywhere on this pyramid, as long as you've been baptized Catholic, okay, you can become the pup. You've been baptized Catholic, right? Were you baptized as a kid? Yeah, so he could have been pope. That's not Alex. We have Alex has gone today, so if this episode sucks, it turns out he was pretty crucial. 18:29 So we have Tim's brother in law. We're big on nepotism around here. Yep. If you want to get anywhere in tillin, here's a deal. You don't have to pay for it. You're not missing out. If you pay not paying for something, but you are missing out. If you're not related to yeah, you gotta, you gotta be a part of this. Okay, so so for Moses, yeah, he becomes the cardinal bishop, top bishop of the top cardinal of the cardinals. There's like fifty yeah in a suburb of Rome. 18:58 okay. Two years later he gets appointed by the pope, pope Nicholas the first okay to be a legate to Bulgaria, which is like a missionary. I think or like a or like a maybe a better word is like a diplomat. Okay, they're not really like this. This era, especially I mean, I think any era of the Roman Catholic Church, but this era, especially the Catholic Church and the government are very intertwined. Yeah, it's it's it's not very much separate stuff right, so he goes to Bulgaria and he's doing 19:27 missions and government diplomacy stuff and he gets to know Boris the first, which is another what I think was the arch cardinal bishop of Bulgaria. Okay or wait. No, he was a bishop. I hear I told you I told you in the way here. I told you the way you guys like there's a lot of characters in these episodes. I'm to have a hard time keeping track of all of them. Okay, so just don't worry about it. I'm going to mess this up. 19:58 Boris. He is a bishop and he requests that for most, this becomes the archbishop of Bulgaria. Here's the problem with that. You cannot sit what they call two seas right in and the Catholic Church. So I can't be the arch cardinal bishop and look it well. No, you can be the legate the leg. It's just like a diplomat. 20:25 but I can't be the Cardinal Bishop of Portis and also the Cardinal Bishop of Bulk area. Okay, I can't do both. You can only do one because you couldn't like remote work at the time. Yeah, you can't. You can't quiet quit the Roman Catholic Church. Sure God will find you. God will find you and so he requests this, but because of that, like that rule, it gets shot down and there was like it was kind of an interesting thing like that. 20:51 I don't want to say scandal scandals too strong of a word for that, but there was like a little bit of a what's going on here. Like what are you, what's she trying to do? And it's weird because technically he didn't even try to do it. Someone else was like, hey, that guy should be the guy right and then everyone's like, he can't be the guy. He's the guy at the other place and then they like, oh bummer. And then some people are like, he's trying to be the guy at that place. It'd be like, it'd be like if and this has never happened, not even joking. It'd be like if a girl gave me her phone number 21:20 that's never happened. Don't worry about it and then my wife was like hey, why are you trying to get some other girls for her? I'm like I didn't do that. That was our and then she was like well, that's unacceptable that you did that yeah. I didn't she saw my fresh tilling merch that I was wearing and thought man that guy's hot yeah, so you aren't missing out if you don't join Patreon, but you are missing out. If you don't buy till in merchandise and shop that tilling com 21:50 it'll 22:21 What are you over here? 22:27 OK, so he he's doing his diplomacy thing to Bulgaria. It's a little slight, tiny little bit of a scandal, right? Very small, very small, little bit of a scandal. Hey, focus, come on, bring it back. 22:51 Thank you. Thank you. I'm to laugh more at this show. All right. So. 23:05 Thank you. He gets he does the he does Bulgaria bug. Would you put your hand behind your screen like 23:22 Yeah, that's all I That's the thumbnail for this week's episode. It's just me. Anyway, 23:35 in the early days of this show, we did like affiliate ads where we were like a sign up for grammarly and use code till and and we got like fifteen cents and now we just do patreon. It's a much better way. It's better for us as creators. It's better for you as listeners and it's a much more fun way for us to interact. We do monthly hangouts like on zoom. We just hang out and play games online and and get to know each other. It's a really fun time so 24:02 but still use our code till in at grammerly dot com because I think it's still I might get like a couple cents from that, but join us on patreon because we're having a great time. Yeah, if you don't, we're going to have to start doing mobile game ads. 24:19 so he does the thing in Bulgaria yeah right. He does a thing in Bulgaria and then he doesn't it well. He does he diploma sized and then Boris was like hey be our archbishop and everyone was like he can't do that and he's like oh sorry. I wasn't aware and then so then he comes home and then when he comes home the pope was like hey, you should go do the same thing in France. He goes to France does the same thing in France, meet some people it's time 24:49 nothing no like scandal happens, but there is like this guy's going a lot of places. He's doing a lot of stuff. Seems like he's a little busy and people. don't know. There's questions in the air about him, okay, about what he's doing out on the road. I don't know why, but there's some questions right and so in eight seventy five the emperor of Rome dies and a new a new emperor is put in place. 25:16 Charles here. I'm going to show you a picture of him. We'll see if you can guess what his name is. I know I said Charles, but like he's like, you know, a Roman Emperor. So he's Charles the blank. See if you can guess looking at him. What he is. Okay. Ready? Okay. Charles the 25:36 Um, the, Oh no. 25:43 Is he a blind guy? 25:48 that's a good guess. Is he Charles the blind close? He's Charles the bald and actually kind of crazy. How close you were, I guess blind, but no, he's full. Why they painted with hair. I don't know. You see where I'm going right. He's got the full friggin stick. He does have the full stick, but I think that's just also whoever 26:12 painted this only knows how to paint one face. You know I'm saying like they don't know how to paint different faces. It's the same on four different people. That was also throwing me off. I was like yeah, but like they only know how to do one face. 26:29 and if I had to guess what that artist looks like, I would guess that probably that's is clearly this painting. The guy has hair yeah yeah yeah and he's like sorry. I don't know how to paint bald. Is it gonna know to do that? I don't know how to it's just round. It's just do what you did, but less I can't do it. Sorry, sorry, can't help you there. Yeah, so Charles the bald becomes the emperor, which honestly kind of a brutal, brutal name. I love it. 26:57 I mean some of the other pictures that are out there of him. He is bald. I don't know if he was actually bald or not though, like that's the thing like sure this picture he's got hair and it's contested like you see a guy who's balding. Is he balding or is it just like hate mail? You don't know okay, so Charles is balding though. Let's be real. I know it's question. I know it's questionable. You don't know. You could never know for sure what's actually going on here. 27:27 so he goes Charles the ball becomes the emperor and 27:36 Hold on, that's okay for most for Moses. No, you know, the whole point of a podcast is that we talk, but you just were like, so anyway, I'm 27:48 I told you there's too many names here. So when Charles the bar, Charles the bald becomes the president, the emperor, the emperor, he becomes the emperor of Rome and John now the now the pope is Pope John Nicholas is gone. We got a new pope. 28:13 this bit. 28:23 You 28:31 Okay. 28:40 I've got other bits. You want to see them? Sure, but if I just started doing magic tricks, I'm trying to give you time to collect your thoughts and say more. I thought are collected. I can't keep going. Then let's empty this folder. So there's a new book library applications, Tim's brain folder, no content. I don't know what to tell you move to trash, move to trash. 29:08 Have you ever seen that meme? It's a gift. It's this old man and he's like sitting at his computer is like an old look old school computer like from like the nineties and he like he's the little desktop. I can't make clicks and drags the desktop. I got to the way he's been in drops it in and the whole computer just disappears. He's like oh 29:30 it's that a memer is that a sketch is what you just described is something that would be on like adult swim in between episodes. It'd be like the end. This is like a guy or a Doritos commercial two thousand four. You know, so true and instead you're like using that meme. You seen that meme? God, what's happened to culture, dude? So yeah, it's definitely can't wait to see what the pope does when the pope's like y'all see that meme. How old is he? 29:59 I think he's like twelve. He's least twelve Chicago Pope. Honestly, that'd be pretty hard if one of their teams renamed the shock Chicago Pope. Oh yeah, he's old. I mean judge my appearances. I don't know. looks like he's in the sixties, but yeah judging by appearances in sixty, so I mean that's what I'm saying. He is a little old, though 30:27 Yeah, I mean he he looks like he's in a new pope popin yeah anyway anyways, so Charles gets, I guess, electing to shop him in the white boots from Reno and he's just like new pope goofing 30:44 this is such a mess right now. Charles becomes the emperor, telling the comes the emperor. You're just going. You're just telling me you're going like so we went over to book area and then over there. There was like maybe a scandal, not really a scandal, but then he went to France and they were like bonjour and he was like bond, juror 31:04 and so and then he went and then and the Roman guy died and look at this Roman guy who's called bald, but he's got hair. It's like and then at the end of the show, I'd be like and then Francois or whatever was his for Moses for Moses. He hit a treasure and it's just like oh that was what this episode was about for Moses. 31:26 so Charles becomes emperor. I just don't think all I think you're like all these characters are so confusing and it's like I don't think you had to name them all characters. I don't think they matter. I was like why are you doing this to yourself? It's important. It's important. Okay, okay, so Charles becomes the emperor. Yes, for most gets a letter from Pope John the eighth who's now the Pope. Nicholas is gone, Pope John the eighth sure and he says hey, you want to come to Rome and 31:54 and at first for most is like. I don't really care about this emperor thing. I don't know if that's what he says, but he doesn't want to come okay, and the pope writes him back and it's like hey, you gotta come. He's like you got to be sorry. That was phrases. A question it meant to say come to Rome. I said it come to Rome question mark. Sorry, that was chat. GPT. So it should be an ex question mark in dash and so 32:23 they go back and forth. He doesn't go back and forth. He stays where he's at and then John the eighth is very upset about this and so then John removes him from his post and as communicates him from the Roman Catholic Church just because he wouldn't go to Rome. Well, it's questionable. It seems like they might have had some pre existing beef. We don't know a lot about what was going on. We know the major events. We don't know a lot of the underneath stories here, but it seems like there might have been some under some more beef. 32:51 and he see it seems like John the eighth might have been one of those people when he went to Bulgaria and was trying to become the pope was like. I were not trying to become the pope, but yeah he he seems like one of the people who's like that guy sucks, but it's like he wasn't really doing anything. Boris was trying to get it. You know, we were looking for reasons and I like him sure yeah, and so he gets ex communicated from the church and so he spends a few years ex communicated and he's just I don't know what he does in these ex communicated years. This is in eight 33:24 Sixty nine, no, eight seventy two. This is an eight seventy two. OK. And so then in eight, let's see, we go through three popes. Pope Stephen the fifth finally comes into reign. And this pope is like, hey, I don't know why you got excommunicated. That's kind of bogus. And so he's like, do you want to come be like a bishop again? And he's like, sure. And so he ends up coming back and he ends up being back in the Roman Catholic Church. He gets 33:51 de ex communicated okay, re communicated yeah. I like that he gets re communicated. Pope Stephen serves his reign from eight eighty five to eight ninety one and then eight ninety one Pope Stephen dies and they did what they just recently did where they all went in their little room and they hid in there for a little bit and they came out and they said we have selected a new pope. On behold, they selected for Moses so for Moses and he by unanimous decision became the pope became the pope after ex communication. 34:21 what is cool here in every pope name be for Moses. I don't know what his name was before he became the pope, okay, because that's an interesting thing about Catholic Church. If you don't know this when the pope becomes the pope, he just gets a new name and he's like he's now whatever and I think they get to choose. Do they get to just it's kind of interesting and then there was your pope name be well my pope name be I don't know he to be subway king. 34:51 I mean he chose subway or second and someone else did it first. I doubt it, but if they did, what is a little bit of a 35:07 yes. Okay, so subway king subway king in Latin is subway regae. I a pro popes, subway regae. I can't believe they don't have subway in Latin. Even if you separate it into like two words, so he really kept that haircut his whole life. Huh? Well, that's intentional because like 35:32 balding doesn't work like that. You know interesting if you call it way king. If you do waking it's moto Rex, so you could be sub moto Rex is honestly so motorex. I'm sub moto Rex heck yeah. 35:53 hello. It is I sub moto yeah. I sound like the evil transformers yeah, the decepticons, the deceptive cons. That's right. Yes, I could recall that because I am also a nerd. Don't act like I'm the nerdy one here. I don't know to recall a rude scape name. No 36:20 No yeah, he's down a new account, sub moto Rex actually my new account. If you want to follow along with my current runescape journey, my current username is Costco dog, the O double G. So you know Costco space, do you know, okay, so he becomes the pope. It's the runescape Dio double G. He chooses for Moses, which means 36:50 I hot get that reference I was making yes, I got it. 36:57 he becomes a pope. He chooses Gio double it's God. Get it down. Okay, I'm over this bit, so he becomes the 37:15 he becomes the pope right and one of the jobs of the pope in this era was a few things. Obviously all the religious stuff right, but they would prop up the emperor and really it was the nobles that elected the emperor and it was kind of like it was one of those things where it was like the pope didn't pick the emperor. There was there was a vote among the nobles, but the pope had influence. I mean I think it was more than influence. 37:43 I think it was one of those things where the pope made the decision and the nobles were like that's my vote yeah, but it was like technically speaking. You know it was one of those things yeah and he really did not like the current reigning emperor at the time when he was there. It was a guy by the name of I will show you a picture. Actually, let's do this. I liked that we did this last time and so let's do do it with this one 38:11 What do you think this guy's name is? This is perfect because it this picture has a bunch of Latin on it, but it's you can't read that. What do you think they called this guy? Anytime now, buddy. Okay. 38:33 is a Roman Emperor. I try to read the stuff of the top juicy America's Abbas juicy. This is this is this is a pope or Emperor Emperor. This is a per juicy. This is ever juicy. Am I right? Not even close. Couldn't be further Emperor juicy 39:01 okay. This is Emperor Guy the third guy, yeah, the third of Spoleto and for Moses did not like him for Moses was not a fan of guy the third he he for so is the episode just thinking about how I'm to market it. Is this just a list of people for Moses didn't like we're good there for Moses 39:31 did I like guy the third yeah guy the third in the political power plays that they did he is really pushing and I and it's this is where the story probably could have started just for a future. Whenever we have to rerecord this because he didn't capture audio the way that Alex is supposed to just so you know. I don't think we had to do the whole, but I think you could have just started here. It's helpful. It's helpful as you get to the interesting part. I'll be like this is where the is for Moses, then invented sea monkeys and you're like oh my gosh, dude. What are we even talk? 40:00 so guy the third here. This is the thing about this is the parts the episode where I genuinely feel this way like this isn't a bit. This is the part of the episode where I'm like. I think I don't I want to be here. 40:27 okay, so guy the third this is it's interesting because the pope had a lot of influence. The pope kind of made the choice, but also the emperors had a lot of influence and it was this weird power struggle between the two of them because there was an emperor and there was a pope and they had like basically equal power, but not really. It's very weird and so guy basically forced for most is to crown his son Lambert as co emperor. 40:51 and so they're like you guys get both ampers. So there's three people with a lot of power and most. was like my son gets to do that too yeah. No guy was like my son gets also to also be oh and for most. is like I don't want to do that and guys like that's not how this works yeah and guy was like no and his son's earlier with a VR head set. I get to be the pop you know are going to be the I'm the ever too. I'm all I'm guy number four. 41:21 the guy number four put it in the credit and so for Moses freaking in a hot tub with a game, but not even like it's like a hold the game first edition game boy, she didn't do no, then he gets man. hate the I don't know was there throws it at all the Italians there. Yeah, they are Italians stupid. 41:47 throws it in the water, grab this new as a friend. He's got a I can't believe he doesn't know how he doesn't know that your life resets. He just thinks that when Mario dies, he's like this device is done. 42:12 not make it any. He's throwing him out the window of the the palace. There's so many game boys piled up outside the palace. that at the moment he's playing this Mario character, he's playing a future Roman. You know what I'm saying? Like future Romans are the stereotype of this Mario long after him. Yeah, yeah. 42:42 and so for most, I'm sure that the Italians would rather be remembered as the emperors and not the little plumber with the cool mustache. Yeah, when I'm watching the sopranos, they're like their character doing these characters of us and all. They're really mad about the Italian stereotypes, but yeah, we used to conquer this stuff. Yeah, used to the point used to and now you just blow up restaurants. That's the sopranos or mafia 43:13 Hey, I grenade was across the street. 43:18 Okay, so for Moses says so you've seen four episodes of the sopranos one. The rest of the restaurant explodes. I think that's as far as you've made it in the series. That was a season one reference so for Moses, I'm in season five right now for Moses in this weird power struggle with Guy and Lambert being like we have a Moses says I promise the story is going to get interested. It's like we've got Guy Lambert. There's this piece of power struggle. Yes, so I got to do some about it. 43:47 and so he he calls a guy by the name of Arnolf was who was the Duke of Corinthia okay, and he says hey Corinthia yeah. He says what if you took over Rome and he said don't tell anyone I told you this, but these guys suck. He's like he's like this guy's throwing away a game boy every actually in third Corinthians yeah. A lot of people don't know the third Corinthians was actually just a hey also what if you guys took over Rome 44:16 Yeah, yeah exactly so wait. So this guy's trying to this guy is the pope. This guy is covertly trying to get someone else to overthrow the Roman Empire. Yes, well, not the Empire, just the Roman yeah, because Corinthia is a part of the Empire, but it's the Duke and this is an interesting part of the Roman Holy Roman Empire, because it's so fractured and there was so many of these power struggles going on all the time. 44:45 This was at the point where it was kind of like on its long, slow decline of the Roman Empire. At this point, it's Holy Roman Empire. Anyways, so in 994, Arnolf is like, sweet, I'm going to do it. And so his army occupies Rome and Guy ends up dying in December of that year. And then his son Lambert was left in the care of his mother, whose name is Agile Trude. 45:14 doesn't matter long story short in the fall of the following year, Arnold fins up getting into the empire and getting to a position where he can gain some power. Okay, and so for the next, let's see here. So this is like game of Thrones kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah later. So in eight ninety six at the age of eighty pope formus dies. 45:44 Okay, let's see in the story for mo, for Moses. Yeah. Post Pope for Moses dies. Okay. A new Pope is elected Steven the sixth and Steven the sixth is one of those guys who also has some beef with for Moses. He's still very upset about everything for Moses did. I think it goes back all the way back to his Bulgaria, Bulgaria thing. And so now he's now he is the Pope and 46:12 what ends up happening? There's a big power struggle and what ends up happening is Lambert is back in power and his damper again. Pope Stephen the the sixth is trying to get on Lambert's good side and so he's like he's like he's like yeah for most of sucks didn't he that guy was the worst and he doesn't okay yeah yeah yeah and so he says you know what we should do we should make him pay for his crimes and Lambert is like that's a great idea he's dead yeah he's like he's like what do got in mind and he's like he's like 46:42 why don't you show up to this synod? I'm going to hold a sentence which synod is just like a church service and he's like, we're going to, we're going to do like a, we're going to hold him in court basically. And so it was going to be, he's like, we're going to do an absentee court. And so they've done this before where they will bring people and the person who's being tried is absent. But there it's like a symbolic trial or they're like, we're going to, we're going to punish him for his crimes and hold him accountable for his crimes. And so this is a relatively normal thing and people are like, 47:11 a lot of people show up expecting this to be what didn't we just joke about this earlier? What holding dead people accountable for their crimes and so you were there right? You were there. We did joke about this. We did this whole bit earlier about but off the podcast about holding dead people accountable for their crime. I remember this bit. All right, I'll do it again. Then let's hear it. Let's hear the cadaver son odd 47:40 Yeah, and so so a bunch of people show a dead body in the court, a bunch of people show out. This is seven months after ladies and gentlemen, the jury you guys want to see a dead guy. So this is seven months after for Moses dies. Okay, the Pope walks in and says today we're trying the previous Pope, Pope for Moses for his crimes and what he then turned and had some of his deacons carrying the body of for Moses that he had exhumed and they sat him 48:09 on St. Peter's throne in the chair. sat him on St. Peter's throne and they had him in papal vestments. So he was dressed up very royal like the poem Pope and he actually placed a deacon, a young deacon in his twenties. And he said, you're going to play the role of the pope. And so you're going to sit behind the chair and you're going to talk for him. First of all, being dead would not recommend. It's not a good time. Second of all, 48:39 I am not guilty of whatever these- This is a witch hunt! 48:47 Hey, by the way, this is the middle of the church comedy tour. Today is June 10, which means I'm in Coleman, Alabama tonight. We're doing Texas all of this weekend. So if you've not got your tickets, please do that. All of my shows are at jaronmyers.com slash shows. We're working on a lot more for later this summer and then the fall. So that's probably been updated by now. Please go check it out. I would love to see it a show. It really is just so you know, at most of my live shows, people are driving a couple hours, two, three hours away and everyone who does that is a tilling fan. 49:16 so you can come meet other telling fans at their shows ones. Yeah, the best ones. Thanks for supporting what I do back to the episode. Amen. 49:29 this is crazy because here's the thing. If you can't try a dead guy, this is what we were. This is what we were joking about earlier. We said if you want to punish someone after they die for the stuff they did, you could just make up a bunch of stuff about him because they can't defend themselves. I remember that bit yeah and so you just tarnished their legacy. Yeah, they can't defend themselves well. I mean I guess in the I guess if you get a twenty year old deacon, your twenty year old jeff dunham lawyer 50:01 and so they held a trial with this body. Here's a close up of the pope at this cadaver sinned and so everybody's sitting in this service and they're like there's a dead guy sitting in that chair. Here's a here's another painting of the event. He's the one that's purple blue and what is really interesting is steven comes in pope steven comes in so hot and he 50:31 he is described as not just like being accusatory, but being like furious. He is screaming at this corpse in this room and the deacon is trying to respond. The deacon's like 50:53 you know his ears fell off a couple of days ago right. He can't hear you. He's been dead for a while. First of all, you're coming off really bad right now dude. First of all, this guy is going to be great in the movies. We should put this guy on movie sets. Oh sorry movies are done those yet. Sorry they're like they're like stillies yeah. They're move like still 51:23 you know, say it and a stilly movie got that same because it moves. Is that how dumb we are yeah in that ridiculous a movie? It's a movie one, the one that move. It's a movie thing that's so annoying. Show me those movie pictures that's. I hate that. How have I never connected those dots either? I don't know. I made it up. I don't know. I would guess it makes a lot of sense. Actually yeah anyways, so they do this whole trial 51:53 and it's not a good look for steven the six yeah he's very fired up. It's clearly like nobody's on his freaking nobody saw it coming yeah and so then anyway at the end of the trial they find him guilty. They find pope for most is guilty. I feel like it's one of those things. I was like we only we have a choice and so they take all his papal vest vestments from from his body. They rip him off of his body and they say you're not a pope anymore. It's like he's like 52:22 and then the voice was obviously I haven't been the pope for seven months, I'm dead. I'm not the pope, I'm dead and then he's looking down from heaven or looking up. I don't know where he went and and he's looking down from heaven and he's just like oh wow glad I'm not there right now. I'm not him and so he 52:51 get stripped of his pop. You were yelling at a dead guy right now. That's what I tell people when they yell at me like some lady in public like you know. You know like whenever you see those viral tick tocks and people like how do you get? How do you sleep at night and I'm just in my head. I'm like you're yelling at a dead person. I don't care by this saying that out loud to someone you're yelling at a person. That is like you know what it was. Nobody else can I read I wrote crazy. I reposted the the chick filet wrap 53:21 and I was telling my manager the other day. It's so interesting how every time I posted the comments are mad about something different like the first time I posted it. Obviously it was two thousand seventeen, so it was kind of close to like the chick-fil-a giving their money to the organizations that were doing conversions therapy stuff. So we were commenting and being like oh they hate gay people or whatever yeah and then I posted it in my twenty twenty yeah and people were like oh you know of course he's using black music 53:48 you know that kind of thing and then and then I posted it again in twenty twenty one and it was what were they mad about then anyway? This time I posted it probably and then I posted this time and I'm not joking like every other comment. This is what I'm saying is like it's always something else. Every other comment right now is oh you know. Why is our chicken have fifty five ingredients and all of a sudden it's the it's the it's the people who 54:17 like you know the die, hide the die, hydrate and monoxide name where they don't understand ingredients. Yeah, literally low. Someone posted and said here's the ingredients for one piece of chicken and they posted the ingredients and I started reading through it and I don't know if this person's dumb. I do know they're dumb, but I'm saying like I don't know if they meant to be this dumb, but they posted the ingredients for a chicken sandwich yeah. So when it says like it's got like flour and anti foaming agents, they're like what is the what is the chicken need anti foaming? 54:45 you're like hey, because that's they're making bread. You moron that's the that's ever heard of red or the are the you think there. Do you think they're putting pickles in the she that's the pickles are part of the secret to a good slice of chicken is fill it with pickles. Take all the chicken out or like even like they're like no, that's the fillet and you're like. Did you find out about seasoning and breading like what you never heard of this crazy house dumb people are yeah, it's where I'm saying 55:13 it's pretty bad right now, but anyway that's what that's what I was saying is that like people just change what they're mad about all the time. It's very interesting to me and that is interesting. Do you think that it's change? It's change what people are mad about or do you think the algorithm is hit different angry people? No, I think that I think that they're I 55:35 I don't know. This is the other thing too. Is people comment? I was thinking about this people comment on it and they go one person commented and was like oh man. I like the lyrics, but I wish that you done this and like I was really waiting for a bar. It was like dang. That was great because, I think I think this is a good start and you and it's just like hey man, I'm a comedian, not a rapper like I'm not like you're like like I don't know what it is you yeah. I don't know what it is where people are like. You know what my thoughts need to be heard yeah 56:03 and you know what? Can I just tell you and I know I'm saying this into a podcast mic, but my thoughts do need to be heard and yours need to be silenced. You need to shut up. You need to quit saying stuff. All right, the comments on this video turned off. You know why because I don't give a crap, but leave a comment below. It tells what you think about that. 56:28 So anyways, so they say you lose this court case. Couldn't defend himself well, kind of could that kid could yeah was a good job. got the girl from legally belong before she was good at being a lawyer before she learned and so then he gets stripped of his poppies and then literally stripped and then they also say also you guys want to see a naked dead guy. They said also 56:55 as if stripping you of your poppice and then stripping your your corpse wasn't bad enough. They said we're going to cut off three of your fingers and so they cut off three of his fingers and there was a reason that this reminds me okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, hold on. So Stephen Pope Stephen yeah is doing all this to a dead body. Yes, right. This is the same. I blocked a guy on social media. I block a lot of people just so you know 57:20 some people are like they'll post and be like oh, I can't believe this to let like this person like they blocked me because I couldn't handle the criticism. Yeah, just like no, no, I was freeing us both from each other. You know yeah, you don't got to see my stuff. I want to see your comments. You know blocked blessed move on yeah right. I blocked a guy. Do you remember me texting you about this? He fully created a website yeah that was I remember what the website was called, but the whole website was all this stuff about how awful I am. 57:48 and then it was and he sent him to me in a message, send me the link and was like. I hope this doesn't mess up your SEO, you loser, all this stuff and at no point during that making the website, buying the domain, messaging me and sending it to me typing. I hope this has met did no point in that whole process. Did he go? Is this why I got blocked? You know and like Pope Stephen, should I be blocked digging up a dead body? 58:13 addressing him and just make sure about their putting him in the in the throne calling the whole you know, Catholic Church together and then putting together a defense and a a prosecution and no point in any of that because he go. I don't know if this is about what this guy did. I think this might because be because I haven't been allowed to kiss anybody. I it's because I haven't kissed it. I think I'm just freaking 58:43 You know, officers, not by fault that I dug up something else. 58:53 sorry I blew that red light back there. I haven't kissed it along. My lips haven't touched the lips of another in court. Yeah. Do you have anything to say? Yes, I just have a kiss. 59:16 I haven't seen my wife in six months and so it's not my fault. I'm sorry. I killed that guy, but I haven't kissed it. Oh, I well, why did you say that we didn't know I killed that guy? I put him on trial and I cut off three fingers. All I needed was a hug. All I needed was someone to care. 59:43 all I needed was the emotional intimacy of a close relationship. Yeah, so he specifically they cut off the three fingers that he blesses with and does the cross. There was a purpose. It wasn't just like give me three of his fingers. It was like there was he's forever being like freaking that's where it came from and so and then they said okay and then he drug him outside the service and threw his body into the Tiber River and was like 01:00:12 yeah pretty pretty better. I just okay, so a few weeks later a poor fisherman found this body on the river and was like sick and he's a unfortunate as in like this poor fisherman or like this guy just got no money and he's just like ah. Finally, I found the pope for yeah. saying fortunately, fortunately this guy happened to catch the pope. Unfortunately, no, I said fortunately, fortunately this guy happened to catch the pope. 01:00:41 and then he held on to him for a little bit. He's like, he's like, this might be worth it. We're something a little bit. It was kind of like he found a Pokemon card. He's like, I'm going to hold onto this just to get towards something. Pokemon card. 01:00:55 for most is does kind of sound like a Pokemon to catch them all yeah. I got my shiny red for Moses found him in the Tiber River, so this fisherman has the Pope. Yes, this fisherman caught the Pope, drug him out out of the water held on to him for a little bit. Here's the deal. Nobody liked Stephen stunt. Stephen, yes, I'm saying this doesn't seem like something that's like. I feel like this is something that your friend is like 01:01:21 you know when your friend is telling you about a situation and you realize midway through the story that they're the one that's definitely in the wrong. Yeah, yeah, that's what this feels like. Well, steven steven expected after this for everyone to be like dang steven. That was sick. That was really cool. That was so I love you beat up a defensive dead guy. It was so sick that you yelled at a dude, the power that you exerted over that dead guy. If you weren't a priest, I'd kiss you right now, but I can't 01:01:51 you're too holy for me to kiss you right right. I couldn't do right right yeah. You're right. You're right. You're right. Should we carpal? How kisses do you get none? 01:02:07 I hate how many popes we have in this episode. Both be kissing bro. I'm going to kiss that pope. 01:02:21 Tim's just trying to get an outer context. That's all he's trying to do. All he's trying to do is be like. I was these are going go in the theme song. We play the theme song again right play now. I play the theme song now. It's a good time for it. 01:02:36 so so everyone's like Stephen. What was that dude bro yeah and so Stephen brother his whole his whole pontificate goes downhill. Everyone's like I were not fans of this guy anymore, specifically one of the most important parts of this was Lambert the Emperor yeah, because he was the it's very much seems like this whole thing was designed. I don't think he I think he had his own personal beef with him, but there was also this political thing where it was like 01:03:05 this is going to make Lambert like me. Um, and Lambert was like, bro, that was freaking weird, Lambert was like, bro, that was freaking weird playing his little game boy. Lambert burned 20 game boys at this Senate at the cadaver to sit in. And so it didn't go over well for him, right? What ends up happening is Steven dies. Um, it was like normal, a normal death. wasn't a huge thing. And so 01:03:34 a new let's see surges. The third becomes the pope and when he becomes the pope, he was like yeah, what was up with that steven guy and he's like does anybody know what happened to the body and the fisherman's like i got him is he worse up than now and he's like we're not going to pay you for him, but we're going to give him a proper burial. So they take the body, they end up giving him a proper burial in like 01:03:57 the actual like Vatican or whatever they I don't think the Vatican was built yet, but you know what I'm saying the place where they bury all the pubs Arlington Cemetery. 01:04:09 put him nice to JFK. I don't know that, but oh you'll find out you'll find out when you're older. What if that's how Pope stocked everybody you'll find out when you're older, the giver and so they reconsecrated him, made him a pope, put him back in the lineage, all that for nothing. Huh? Yeah, they sewed his fingers back on. They didn't actually do that, but they 01:04:35 they buried him. They gave him a proper burial. He is and they put him pretty chill. He is pretty chill and they put him put him back in the line of popes, but here's the thing. This is actually a fairly large scandal because it calls into question the infallibility of the popes because there was a big there's a big tradition that the popes go all the way back to Jesus. You can trace the lineage all the way back to Jesus and there's like legitimacy to it, but the fact that one pope de legitimized another pope, it there's some scholars in the Catholic Church 01:05:05 that say that this brings question to that. If one of them can be delegitimized, how do we know that any of them were legitimate? How do we know that any of them are this holy consecrated line? Right. And so this is a weird event, but also for the like religion, a fairly major event. Yeah. But we just got a new pope. We'll see if he digs up the last one that could happen. I'm not saying I'm not saying as likely from the things that we know have happened, but 01:05:34 if history, if you're a, if you're a, they would you talk about Pope Francis, a pattern, if you're a person who recognizes pattern, if you do pattern recognition and you know history, you know like this is possible. That's something we're seeing on social media a lot right now. I a recognition pattern recognition. Yes, there's a different way to say 01:05:57 It's a different way to say I saw someone else say this on tick tock yeah, but if you know pattern recognition it's okay, so people are self diagnosing themselves a lot of stuff. Let's talk about it in the after the fiddle. I feel more comfortable there okay, and if you don't want to miss out on the rest of this conversation, you can join us on patreon. 01:06:19 Fiddle off 01:06:26 Hey, thanks for being here for this episode of things up on last night. If you liked it and you want more of it, there's another episode you can check out about Elmer McCurdy, a dead guy, Elmer McCurdy was a dead guy who they got to say just say other McCurdy was a dead guy. I just leave it at that. They used him as a movie prop. That's enough of a you know that doesn't give away a whole lot. They used to as a movie prop and people were like oh wow look at that really realistic dead. 01:06:52 prop over there and then someone was like that's a guy. So go listen to that one. If you want next week's episode, it's available on Patreon right now. Thank you again to all of our Patreon supporters for making this show possible. It's just a way to help us continue to grow and spread this show like the love of the Lord. We need to spread it to the corners of the earth and so 01:07:15 thank you for being here. We'll see you next week on things. I last night and this show is an evergreen. There's network. I guess you can find out more about their shows evergreen podcast dot com. Thanks to ever like those twins. You know those twins that went viral those Australian twins at the same time. It's just an evergreen pod cast, evergreen podcast network podcast. 01:07:39 and he came at me with a nice and I said no mom. I got a gun. got a Literally the last one that run he's got a guy. I'll tell you what that's great ever green hates that