Episode Transcription

00:00 Hey man, I'm so excited to do this podcast is my favorite thing to do in the whole world. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited in here. Have you ever heard of a Robert cheese, bro, cheese brow? I think it's chess, bro. Okay, but I'm I'm gonna say cheese brow. This is a weird painting. It's a ch ese, which I think is h chess brow e se yeah, b r o u g h chesa bro. 00:30 Chesa bro. Yeah, I'm gonna call him cheese brow Chesa, bro, Robert cheese, brow Chesa, bro. Have you ever heard of no, but this painting is interesting. Yeah. Why do you say that? Because it looks modern. Like it looks like a modern painting because of the lighting. You know what saying? Like it looks like what you would see. Does that make sense? Yeah, I'm gonna be honest with you. I think that this is someone who painted an old portrait of him. Okay, okay, okay. think someone recently there's an old. That's what I'm saying. This looks like modern, like portrait, like photography lighting. 00:59 yeah, but this is clearly a guy who's like from the eighteen hundreds. Yeah, yeah, so this looks like if you looked at a painting of a guy and then made a modern portrait lighted painting of that guy. 01:14 Southern Baptist Costco. We don't let the ladies in here. Seeing is believing. Sounds like a gnome. Yes. Come on down to the Southern Baptist Costco. It really hits the T in Costco. Things I learned last night. 01:44 So who is Chesapeake? Chesapeake, Cheese Bro. It's Cheese Bro. Robert Augustus Cheese Bro was born in 1837 in London, England. Two American parents. were accidentally in England when he got born. he is in England when he got born. was trying to search Chesapeake. Don't look him up. What do do? Don't look him up. I'm telling you the story. Don't look him up. I can don't look him up. Don't look at me. No, I'm not. 02:13 you're not gonna believe this. What is pronounced cheese bro? I'm not even joking. It's either ches bruh or cheese bro, ches bruh, could you pass the ches bruh? Could you pass the ches bruh first syllable rhymes with fez or cheese, cheese bro sick. So he is cheese bro. He is cheese bro. Okay, cool. So born eighteen thirty seven in London, England, 02:42 and then his parents obviously like they live in Jersey. So they went back to Jersey. Okay, he grew up there and he was always like, how's that work? Does he get dual finish and ship? I think if you're born internationally, like you're you live there. Yeah, maybe you do. He got to come back, yeah, that's a good question because that way you're this back eighteen thirty seven. Okay, so back then they didn't care. They're like, oh, who cares? Like 03:07 the world is the world yeah yeah, so you're all just happy you got born. That's actually baby. We're that's that's a huge achievement for this time that you actually got made it yeah good for you um so back to Jersey and he was like interested in science, so it's been his whole youth learning science stuff and then he uh he ended up getting a job in the mid eighteen hundreds working as a chemist. 03:33 uh for a company that collected oil from Wales and they use that for what are you looking at me like that for? Okay, they use that for like lamps and still like oil lamps yeah and very successful industry for years. How do you, how do you collect oil from a whale? Is it a killing in the whale? I think probably yeah. I guess I don't know for sure. I'm assuming they probably killed them. Yeah, let's find out. It wasn't like a giant q tip that you like got to put it in their mouth. Yeah, yeah, 04:03 Yeah, it just as it was obtained from the whales. It doesn't say how okay. Oh yeah, let's search it. Hey, while you're doing that, I thought of an interesting question yesterday. Do bugs sleep? Yes, they do. I've seen it. What do mean? You've seen it. seen it. Remember that time? I just believed that video that said that spiders uh spiders learn your routine, so they only come out when you're not around, but really all that is is they're just nocturnal 04:33 and say you're just asleep. Yeah, I learned your routine with the sun goes down and they come out yeah. No, he usually goes to bed when the sun comes down. That's why we wait so oh yeah. They kill him yeah. It's a killing thing. Okay, okay, kill him yeah that yeah they wolf. Okay, they really kill him. Geez, okay, no yeah. So so 05:00 He worked as a chemist and he basically would verify this oil that they got from the whales. I'd be like, this is good oil, we can ship this and use this. um And successful industry for years until uh petroleum became an industry. Titusville in Titusville, Pennsylvania in, let me get the year right, 18, doesn't matter, doesn't matter, doesn't matter. 05:30 uh The first successful oil well was built and they extracted oil from the earth as crude oil and they had to kill the earth to do that. I did actually, you know, cut that really killed it really killing the earth for that. It's because of that. His job was made obsolete. He didn't need the job. He got laid off. uh He couldn't find any other jobs. And so he spent. Yeah, the ground is harder to catch than Wales. 05:58 turns out we can get the oil from the ground and so he decides I'm going to go to Titusville. I'm going see what's up and he gets one of those local wells to agree to let give him a tour so you can see around how everything works. Okay. And while he's looking at everything that's being done the whole process, there is a well that's not running talks to the people working that well and like well we have to give it. We have to stop it every once in while. This great they called it the rod wax off of the drill. 06:27 And he was like, what? And I'm like, well, it's this rod wax. So like finger off a dollop of it from the the the rod. said when we go down there, there's this byproduct we call rod wax. And it's just this clear jelly like substance that is not what we're trying to get. It's not valuable. And anyway, we usually just throw it away. And he says, oh, that's interesting. Can I taste that real quick? He's like, he's like, can I find out some stuff about that? And 06:55 The workers were like, yeah, we actually use it. Like when we injure ourselves on the job, we just cover ourselves in it because it helps us heal faster and soothing and it helps us heal faster. So he takes it home and he talks to the company. The company's like, yeah, you can take as much as you want. So he literally takes barrels home with him and start studying this stuff. And he discovers, oh, there is something to this. Like using this, like he would like literally like a sporn. He would burn himself. 07:23 and then he'd rub the trying to guess what it is. He'd rub this rod wax on him and he would realize, oh, if I burn myself here and then burn myself here and put the wax on this spot, this spot's healed faster than this spot is. And so it's like there's something to this. This is magic earth dust earth jelly earth. It's day to market. He calls it earth goop. Yeah, no, he gets a, he gets a patent for it because he finds another process of a way to 07:50 kind of purify it and actually use it in a way that's a consistent um and actually like, you know, ready for market. Yeah. He pounds it and he ends up spending months trying to come up with a good name for it. He lands on a name that is actually a combination of a few words. So he takes, let me find this word. He takes the German word for water, which is Wasser and the Greek word for oil, which is a Leon, and then the suffix I N E 08:20 because it sounds scientific and comes up with Vaseline. I was right yeah yeah, so he takes Vaseline to market. This is his his read the German word again, waser idiot. Okay, what do you mean? Fosser? Oh yeah, Fosser. I guess you're right yeah, waser uh waseline, so I nailed it perfect. I like that, so he takes was in the market. 08:47 and on the box he puts his mission and his entire thoughts about how the world should work. Well, this is what I love about this, so he takes it to market in 1876 1870. He manufactures it for the first time 1872. He gets a patent and he immediately starts taking it to market and he goes around New York City to all the pharmacies. He's like he's like hey, I got this stuff Vaseline, Vaseline and he starts telling the pharmacist everything it does and the pharmacist don't believe yeah, no, doesn't, but that's not real. What 09:17 no one wants to buy any of it. Yeah, so he says, okay, how, how, how is Vaseline? What is it? So we'll get there. Okay, so he, he is just rod gel. Yeah, yeah, it's a byproduct of, of crude oil. Okay, is what it is. um And so this is, he gets this carriage, this horse drawn carriage. Yeah. And he goes around New York City. 09:47 And he basically sets up a side show uh where he lights himself on fire and then he rubs that Vaseline on it. And he tells people this will make me heal faster. And he shows people other spots. He's like, come back in three days. Come back to this spot. Three days now. Three days time. This will be healed. If you were here two days ago. 10:09 Here's yesterday's! That's exactly what he would do. He'd be like, here's yesterday's bird. And people would be like, oh, it's pretty healed. And the only people who know that are the people who were here yesterday. And then there'd be a guy who's like, I was here yesterday! Take it from me, a man who was born in the UK. But I lived here in Jersey. Why don't you have a British accent? Well. You were born in the UK? All I got to do is put Vaseline on your vocal that man. 10:40 Hey, we just reduced the price of our Patreon to 699 a month. That's one price for everybody. You get all the perks. You get the live hangouts, you get to join the discord, you get early access, whichever reason you're joining for. We wanted to make it one price because I hate that everything in the world is going up in price, and so we wanted to make this a little bit more affordable for everyone to do. And so but also, you know, the other goal is that more of you join it so that we can keep funding the show. I mean, like what you know, how do I say that? That sounds like we're 11:07 poor and we are we are and uh no, but if you can't join us on Patreon, no worries at all. Another way to support the show is by sharing it. Please tell somebody like the show and thanks for for being here for this episode. 11:25 don't have a weird act so and so he burnt himself and then he burned then to be like look the burns healed from yesterday and what he would then do is after he did his little side show he'd be like come here come here children. He really do got to be like hey come back in a couple of days. Well he would then give out what was samples the first like one of the first documented first free samples and so he was given out. He was a cosco lady yeah and so you give out free samples of the cost or the cost of the vaseline and he'd say go which 11:55 can I just say haven't seen a lot of them last summer gone to Costco? Oh yeah, they don't do that as much. The samples have been dying down and I will say when I do see them, it's useless stuff. I went, I went, I'm not, I'm not exaggerating. I went the other day and she had on like a free sample of this twenty foot outdoor pool. We cut it into little pieces and put it in the cup. Would you like a free sample? 12:24 and you're like, guess I guess I'm back in three days. See what that become. Barry, this beat in your backyard, giving out magic beans and guys, I got these magic beans from a Costco lady and then you go back and you're like guys, there was a lady in this aisle and they're like 12:50 no there wasn't. We have let women in this store. What is the southern back to the southern Baptist Costco? We don't let the ladies in here. 13:10 mm okay, so is southern baptist cosco that's crazy and what he would do is give out the samples yeah and say if you like that you can buy it at any pharmacy in New York, but the pharmacies don't carry it yeah, but they have are they're asking for it. So now all these people start showing up at every pharmacy and they're like hey, do you guys carry this Vaseline that's smart and all the pharmacists were like oh, we got to get some of that Vaseline. Everyone wants that Vaseline yeah and so we got you some of that Vaseline 13:39 everybody wants. really what do you think that bit was? I just need you to describe to me what you because you went everybody goes like Halloween town, Vaseline, Vaseline, Vaseline. Like what do you think the bit was? I don't know. Just pharmacists. We every everybody wants some Vaseline. You think pharmacists are just being weird. Pharmacists are weird man. Okay, I just take me a little weird. All right, 14:06 So the pharmacist start calling them and they're like, hey, yeah, calling him. I don't know. They got the, they got the catalog that he gave him. I don't know. They're sending them a letter. don't know what they did then. 14:19 pigeon. They pop them off a telegraph. I don't know. And so they start ordering. He's taking in orders from carrier pigeons. Hey, we got to two barrels down to the two barrels to a picture. 14:37 we got to get some big a bitch and so yeah a couple years later, but there is the pigeons are not able to carry the barrels because they're too small and the idea would be that you find a pigeon big enough that can carry two barrels and that's a funny vision or the audio engines. 15:00 right now. You explain your pharmacist joke earlier. I've explained okay. Let me explain. It's a visual that pharmacists. They can't be picked up by I don't understand what this one they got pigeons holding up their arms. The farmers are like ratatouille by a co pigeons. All right, that's a good visual. 15:27 See that's a visual bit. There we go. Okay, cool. We're flushing it out. Yeah, we're working on it. We're gonna cut all of it out. oh Thanks. Good. So by 1874, two years later, they got to the point where he's selling 1400 jars of a say that building had Vaseline on it like I you know, yes, they end up building a factory. They're they're moving, they're moving Vaseline and so he starts going to all these like medical institutions and he's like he's like, study this stuff. Tell me what it does. 15:57 And everyone's like, nothing really, honestly, man. This doesn't really do anything. He's like, Hey, that's not what you were supposed to say. He's like, I give you a couple hundred dollars, can you say it does something? And they're like, they're like, we did the same thing for Coca-Cola. So what they, what they found, the only thing that they found that Vaseline actually does is it's like a protective layer. And so it prevents infection and it is a little soothing, like, and so it soothes and it protects you from further infection. And especially in that day and age. 16:26 Infection was super common. Yeah. And so so that is useful. Yeah. These wounds would heal faster because they weren't infected. The other ones were infected or they were getting back in three days. I used to have all five fingers, but then I didn't put Vaseline on my pinky and I lost it when I cut it off. What are the but thankfully this will make it grow back. He's just got like 16:56 Molded Vaseline finger and it's like super goopy Yes Seeing is believing 17:11 It sounds like a gnome. Yes. Come on down to the Southern Baptist Costco. Really hits the T in Costco. Come on down to Southern Baptist Costco. So no women allowed. We don't let the ladies pass their tag line. Okay. So the tag line is 17:40 Southern Baptist Costco. We don't let women in here and we have plenty of free samples. A really big tagline. 17:54 You 17:57 oh So he starts marketing it as being kind of like this panacea. can do anything and everything. And it's kind of one of those weird things where like, yes, it's this protective layer. And so because of that, you can use it in a lot of different applications. And it's it's wound care, it's diaper care, it is skin stuff. uh He starts marketing it as like a hair product for... 18:26 like pomade yeah yeah yeah yeah give your hair that just come to look all day long. So it's like yeah like a pomator yeah uh cream hair tonic yeah just make your hair greasy. Put this oil in your hair uh and so some people like that so they market it in all now was a fifty's. Yeah, was a long time later. Yeah, so they're marketing it in all sorts of different ways. They're having a hard time getting any like scientific establishment to like verify any of claims that they're making but 18:54 It doesn't matter. It's popular. It's selling like crazy. They're getting very, very big. Okay. And in 1881, his company gets galled up by Standard Oil and becomes part of their whole massive conglomerate, which was a great partnership for them because obviously Standard Oil has all of this rod wax that they don't need. Yeah. And so they are able to then just skyrocket their production. Right. 19:24 you have to figure out stuff to use it for because you have so much yeah. You've got tons and so the you do new products well yeah. Eventually, eventually they've discovered how to turn this stuff into plastics. this is where plastic comes from sure, but for a long time it's just this jelly the Queen of England nights him, which is an interesting move. She says she uses vastly every day. She's a huge Vaseline fair. What year does she night him? 19:54 1883. Here and here and he goes. 20:00 because the sword kind of cut him a little bit. Yeah, he puts the he became like a huge believer and he constantly would market it. I constantly cut himself constantly burn himself and like in public and like put it on and like see how well it works. Yeah, like I don't it just looks like you just put it on your arm. Well, look, I did it here before. You know, that was his yeah, his his his you go. You're gonna help me. Nope, his his 20:28 Oh, he's kind of stuck trying to figure it out. That was his keep going. I like this. This is a fun game. That was his Tim. This is rough. I don't know what the word you, you could help. It's stitch. Is it stitch? Yeah, that was his ditch. I don't think it's stitch. I really don't think it's stitch. It's stitch. Robert would Robert 20:58 He doesn't care about our team at all. So that was his whole stitch. That's not the word. Yeah, it is. uh I'm going to listen back to this and I'm going to know what I'm trying to say. Okay, it's stitch. It's stitch. It's not. if you know what I'm trying to say, comment below and I'm trying to say it's Lilo and stitch. So that's his holy low and stitch. 21:23 Okay, whatever, uh, because dude in Kim Possible, he's like, what's the stitch? No, it's stitch. That's stitch. know that you're not gonna get me on that one. 21:34 Oh boy, am I sick? I sure do need Tim stones. Get well quick trick. And what is it? It's simply chug an entire gallon of orange juice. Wow. I forgot. And then this shirt reminded me, I'm so glad that I have this shirt as a public service announcement, a public health service to other people around me. Do your part. Get this shirt. 22:04 shop.tilland.com 22:11 Anyways, so he spends his life being like devoted to this stuff. Yeah, when in 1902 he builds this building, which this is not really part of story. I just really like it. It's cool building. It's very cool. This is in Manhattan. It was the tallest building in the city at the time being the tallest building was his little stitch. 22:39 that you're gonna immediately, we're gonna turn off the cameras, you're gonna tell me what the word I was looking for is, because I know you know what it is. And I'm not gonna be able focus the rest of the I've told you several times. I've told you several times at this point. 22:57 keep going. The building's I've tried to think of like all Just move on. Let's move on. Let's move on. Let's move on. That's all right. That's all right. That's right. So in 1911 on that, what did you say? Let's not get stuck on that stick. Oh good times. So he his company regains a lower. 23:23 His company regates its independence in 1911 when the government breaks up Standard Oil. um And he becomes like a real estate speculator and he starts building all these big buildings and different things all over the world. uh In his 50s, he gets the flu ah and he's very sick. And while he is in the hospital, uh he says, whatever you're planning on doing, that'll need it. What I need you to do is I need you to cover my body head to toe in Vaseline. 23:53 and I'm going to be honest. I don't know if this actually happened or if this is just what he told everyone when he got out. Geez bros get well quick cover your whole body in Vaseline. Yeah and he says he says I was out of the hospital in two days and whether that actually happened or not. I don't know. It seems like the kind of thing a salesman would just yeah yeah yeah yeah but it also seems like the kind of thing that because we do know he used to burn himself right public and then put Vaseline on 24:23 he he might have just just close up all your pores. Yeah, I don't know like you know nothing's getting in or out. Let's try it. Let's try it next time we're sick. Let's both just try it. Let's do it right. Wait, would you go next door to high V? I'm out of a so yeah, we're probably gonna need all the will get shirtless. It will just allow. I can't. Oh, that makes me sick thinking about it. That's so gross. Vaseline. You want to know something really? Oh, so I 24:53 I have this thing, the word for it is eczema. But my hands get really chapped and like dry every winter. people notice. Thanks, glad you do. And when I was a kid, it got really bad. I think I've made fun of you on the show where I go get your leprosy hands away from me. No, that's fair. And then you go, it's not leprosy, it's eczema. It's not leprosy, it's my whole shtick. It's not leprosy, it's eczema. That's how you talk. whatever, really. But growing up. 25:23 in back home in colorado. There's like no moisture in the air, so yeah, it would get like bad. My hands crack really bad and but the solution my mom came up with was Vaseline. So your hands are always shiny. Well, we didn't do it in the day because it's gross to walk around with Vaseline. so we definitely learned your routine. 25:45 he uses his hands less at night, so he covered my hands in Vaseline at night, but then that was gross because it got all over my bed. You were well yeah, and so instead of so then you had those big Mickey Mouse gloves. Well, they had had they made those those gloves, but they were like they were oven. They were bad looking. They were they were awful. They were genuinely awful and instead the solution was I went to bed with Vaseline card hands and we put two socks on my arms. 26:10 and so I went to them a tube socks on the hands with vastly dance inside there. Yeah, and then I remember I can clearly remember as a kid with the socks, picking up cups, going to computer typing kill Josh kill, Josh, and they knew it was you because the grease residue left by so much grease on the yeah. It was bad and I yeah, just like having to do everything like this. Yeah. Once I went to bed after yeah, it was gross 26:39 That's really sad, man. It's not sad. It's just as health care. Yeah, sure. My parents got an insurance payout for that. 26:50 Okay, so he recovers from the flu yeah. He does recover from the flu. He goes back to allegedly because of a so allegedly because of a saline ah and then yeah. Like I said, he he continues running his business, his business, super successful business ah and then in March, nineteen thirty three, he's ninety six years old yeah and he's interviewed in a local newspaper and they're like what's your like secret? Like how did you live so long? 27:17 I drank two vasolines a day. He said, he said, well, I ate a spoonful of Vaseline every day. so. OK, so and here's the thing. I believe him. I do believe that he genuinely did that, because here's the thing. There's like a fine line between being kind of a crazy person and being a salesman. 27:45 And so the salesman is like, Hey, there's the pool and all that stuff. Right. And then this guy is like, but I believe this stuff, but I actually buy it. And every morning he's just, Oh, a spoon full of Vaseline makes them medicine. I just wrote that. Um, and so he said he did that and that started to spread. People started to eat Vaseline in the morning because they thought it was healthy because he did it. Um, and so over the course of a few years, 28:13 That's so crazy. Yeah, this kind of became like a panacea for a while. For years, people were doing it for everything, and then by like the mid fifties, it kind of became something where I was like, okay, this is just kind of some stuff, um but he dies ah not long later at ninety six in September of nineteen thirty three yeah, nineteen fifty five uh Pons extract company uh buys out 28:39 cheese bros manufacturing company, okay, which later is bought by Unilever and you know ever still making it still this day, so Vaseline is still on the shelves. uh It doesn't. What is it now? It's the same thing. It's just this extract from oil, and so they pull it off those rods. The byproduct that you don't use part of it goes into plastics. Part of it goes into jelly and it's like purified into petroleum jelly, and there's a handful of companies that make it now, but Vaseline is like the biggest worldwide. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I mean it's and it's 29:09 It doesn't do anything. It's just kind of coats your skin. I shouldn't say it doesn't do anything. It does soothe you. does. It's a protective layer. It's really all it is. And at no point was he like, you know what? We should make this like a like an MLM. 29:27 I don't know. It was just his business. He just went around selling it and it was in like pharmacies and stuff. Oh, OK. The time. Yeah. That's story of Robert Cheese, bro. Cheese, bro. Cheese, cheese, bro. Yes. Yeah. OK. Well, fiddle off. Hey, thanks for being here for this episode of Things I Learned Last Night. If you liked it and you want another one like it, you can go check out Painless Parker, a dentist who would kind of go around and try to convince people that he knew how to do dentist stuff. 29:57 he didn't and so you can go check that out. We thank you for being here. You join us on patreon if you want next week's episode right now and also I don't know what the hype button does on YouTube, but if you see it, you should click it all right. That would help us a lot. I've heard that it helps the algorithm and so I'm just asking you to do it all right. We'll see you next time.