Episode Transcription

Hey, not real. Yeah, before we start this episode, would you punch me in the mouth? I mean, just get me started real quick, just punch me in the mouth. Come on. Come on. Hit me. Hit me. You imagine, just like, you're just bloody. Confirmed there is this accounts are going to happen. There is a decision. Right. Thanks. That's really. Hey, Tim. What's up? I'm happy to be here. Sorry, I just yelled it and then I was like, oh, shoot, we saw that lady walk in and she seemed really sad. Oh, no. Well, what are you going to do? Not our fault they put us next to the counselor's office. We picked it. We had we had options. You know, it's pretty good. Like start the episode. Have you ever heard of a Napoleon Bonaparte? Oh, for real. Yeah, that's so funny that they, you know, we said this last week, and you've taken a whole week to look into all this. Yeah, to prepare. I have heard of Napoleon Bonaparte. Yeah. Yeah. I've never realized in this, this is a very famous picture of Napoleon. They made him really big compared to the horse. That is that would be a tiny horse. That would be a very tiny horse. That would be a, that would be tiny. But I also just noticed that his name is carved into that rock. I've never noticed that, which is an interesting touch. Oh, it is. He do that. Did he get off the rock? That's interesting. Or so what about Napoleon? Interesting. We'll get this out of the way right up front. Not a small guy. He's five seven, which is average high. Actually, kind of like a normal size, like a normal borderline big guy. You know, some, in some cultures, he would be like a large guy. I will say, I will say at the time, people act like five sevens are that big, but it's pretty big. Actually, let me like look at about this horse. Look at the big horse. That's a five seven man. That's a five seven man. Oh, I would like to see, I would like to see you carve your name in a rock. All right. On a horseback. And then Galovant off and also very cool. Look back at the painter and hold that pose long enough for the painter to catch it. Put me in charge and I'll make this happen. I'll make prisoner presidents. Prisoner, president. Yeah, one was a citizen. Citizen soldier. Health captivates me for education. And VA benefits from the life. Things I learned last night. Tim, wake up a little bit, buddy. Sorry, take a breath. Take a breath. Have you? No, here's the thing. I said the five seven thing and it makes it seem like I was joking, but I'm dead. I want to go back. Actually, did you know how tall like gladiators were? Look up the average height of like a Roman gladiator. I bet it's small. They got to fit in all that stuff. What? We got to fit in all that armor. So like when I went to Pompeii and you know, you see the where they where they lived. Yeah. Doorways are pretty short. What's the average height? Average height was five five. Shorter than Napoleon. Yeah. Well, what's interesting is like in researching this they actually said like five seven was like the upper end of the average for France at the time. So like he actually was like a taller guy. Why are we getting taller? I don't know. Is the gravitational pull from the sun pulling us closer to the sun? Why are we getting taller? What's happening? Stretching us. The sun is stretching us. Oh. Why are we getting taller? Better nutrition, less disease. I just had better nutrition than you. No, than children or what? Yeah, I have better nutrition than children for sure. It's allowing people to reach their full genetic height potentials, what it says. And so it says like, What's my genetic height? Is that in my 23 and me? Your genetic height potential is six, seven. Whoa. Well, I think what I think the point is like before nutrition was so bad disease was so popular. True. Not popular. Common. True. That like, it would. It was pretty popular. Oh, yeah. It was shorter. It would prevent people from reaching their full potential. He's got the black death. It's so cool. So fetch. So fetch. We're trying to make fetch happen. Okay, so five, seven. Tall guy. Big. Big guy. My name is Napoleon Bono Park. What is that from? I never heard it before. You never heard that? My name is Napoleon Bono Park. Maybe it's from that Lewis and Clark musical. Well, I mean, it was happening the same time. You googling the Lewis and Clark musical I did as a kid. Yes. Clark. Clark and Lewis song. Here we go. The ballad of Lewis and Clark. What's this from? This is K the rate music. Here we go. Oh, it's actually. Now, would you rather walk into a restroom and me be listening to the screaming video or that? Screaming for sure. This is not the song. This is not the song. This is not the song. Do you think that that is copyright? Are we allowed to be playing this as much? There's no. No. I want like the Lewis and Clark. Clark and Lewis. Ba da da da da da da da da da da da. Hey, guys. Here's Reddit. Hey, guys. This is a song I heard back in fourth grade. And I still remember a lot of the lyrics, but I can't find this song anywhere. And the top comment is, oh, that's too bad. All right. I'll find it later. That's too bad. That's too bad. Okay. 5.7 Napoleon. No for me in short. Why did we just start making fun of him for me in short that how tall was George Washington? Crazy, right? 6.1. I think it's like, if you're going to tell me right now that our country was founded by people under six foot. George Washington, it was 6.2. That's right. It's what I'm saying. It said he was very tall for his time. Most, most men in the 18th century averaged 5.6. Yeah. So he was a giant, which is probably why they let him be a child. Yeah. They were like, you should be, you should run this thing. They're like, you should be the, you should be the man of the house. The teeth are crazy. So. I think the man of the house. Yeah. The petitioner redeemed presidency of the man of the house. We're running for man of the house. We just ended up electing the harriest armed guy. I'm running for man of the house. You would not get elected. You would not get elected. Why have harrier arms? I'm 5.7. Look at our arms. Who's got harrier arms? Vote in the comments. I shave my arms. Just kidding. I have before though, when I first got tattoos, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they do look better when you don't have the hair. Right. Right. As opposed to it. Doesn't look better when you're stronger. Yeah, they do look better. Do you want me to be supportive or honest? So talk guy. Talk. Talk about an Napoleon. Yeah. Well, I should say talk guy. Upper end of average guy. Upper end of average guy. It was born in 1769. We've spent seven minutes on a hike. Just want to cover that real quick. Well, we cut a little bit of the beginning stuff before you get up. You probably might not get up. No. You'll get up here in the screen. But, uh, which the weird screen we cut out. So you don't even know what we're talking about. We left the part where I yelled at me. But then I did a weird scream. And he was so conscious. You see, we got to cut that, Robert. You got to cut that. We argued about it. But we got to decide it was. It was decided. Robyn got best for I guess. Not good for the brand. Okay. So, we're going to do a lot more episodes today. Okay. We're going to do a lot more episodes today. He was born in Corsica, France, do you know what that is? Yep. Oh yeah, you've been cruising. You've been cruising that a trainian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Corsica. Actually, what date does this come out? This will be October. Oh, will it? Okay. Yeah, this will be, I think, the second week of October, I think. Oh, okay, nevermind. First or second week of October. I was gonna say, well, maybe, I think when this comes out, I might be on a cruise. Nice. I was just in Italy when you're listening to this. Nice. So. Well, Corsica is, if you're not familiar, it is an island, honestly, off the coast of Italy. This is Corsica. It's really off the course of Italy. Yeah. I mean, it's close to France, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's a French island. So I was just right there. Nice. I want to drown you in the sea. So, yeah, it's like a low island off there. He's born there. Yeah, he was born there. And born in a consequential time in history, 1769, there's a lot going on in the world. United States happens a couple of years after this. And so does the French Revolution. Yes. Bigger deal for him than the United States was. And so obviously, French Revolution, very quick, all the rich people got their heads cut off. That's it. And so power turns over. Meanwhile, he is kind of raised a mama's boy. I think there's a lot of things about him that kind of make him have like a bad reputation. I think the mama's boy thing, like he really loved his mom. He talked about her for years after he grew up like had a great, honestly, it feels like, and this is going to be a weird comparison. But Lucille Bluth and what's her son? Yeah, I have to hook. Yes, Captain Hook. The relationship that they have, I feel like that is the type of relationship. Except for, that was more of a failure to launch. So it's like they had that kind of relationship, but it was more like she was holding him back throughout his youth. Sure. And then eventually she let him go. And when she... You might think it might be more like, I don't know, Elon Musk and his mom. I have no idea what his relationship was like with his mom. You don't? No, damn. A weird relationship. It's really time to gander. It's very weird. Okay. Yeah. So he had a very close relationship with his mom, and he talked a lot about how like she kept him in check and she, like, instilled discipline in him. Yeah. But then he moves to France to go to a Catholic school where he is supposed to learn French because he only speaks Italian and of course again. And so he's going to go to France to kind of broaden his horizons educationally. Okay. Internally. And then he's there for a couple of years. My favorite thing about listening back to the episodes is that you'll say something really weird. And then I'll be like making breakfast or something, listening, quality controlling the episodes. I do that. I quality control it. So by the time you're hearing this, I've made it. This is what I thought was sort of... Wow. You listen to a control quality subject to a controlled podcast. So I will hear you go educationally, and then out loud while I'm making breakfast, I'll go, I can't handle it. At the same time, I'm like, do it here, and I'll be like, oh yeah, good. I nailed it. I've done that a lot too, like listening back, I'll say stuff at the same time, I'll say something. Yeah. He always responds to you bullying me, and I'll be like, oh, hey, sorry, I'm not bullying you. I would never be in this. This is the internet. You're cyber bullying. Read the comments. Post a comment, leave a review about how Jaren's actually super nice. My favorite thing about the podcast is how nice Jaren is to his co-host. It's very good. Jaren has this much patience with him. This much patience. Hey guys, do you want me to be supportive or do you be clear? Do you be clear? When you leave reviews for a podcast, supportive, supportive, supportive, don't be honest. Don't be honest, don't be honest. You can send me a DM and be honest. You can DM us if you're with your real thoughts, but when you're leaving reviews, supportive, supportive, please support us. And also share the podcast with somebody. Okay. Jaren likes his mama. Yeah. Name is Napoleon. He goes to the mainland. He goes to the mainland. He goes to the mainland where he learns French and then he enrolls in military school essentially. Yeah, obviously. And so he guards you some military school as a lieutenant in the military. And this is in the middle of the coalition wars. So the coalition wars were an interesting time in Europe where France was, the French coalition happens. Yeah. And France starts to get a little expansionary like the new government is like, what if they were like? What if we were bigger? Bigger. Yeah. And so it always happens. Yeah. And so they. Animal Farm really is like an accurate depiction of what happens when the people in the oppressed get into power. It is really. And then all of a sudden they become the power. It happens basically every time. It's wild. Yeah. And so it happens basically every time. Wolf. So the rest of Europe puts together the coalition. Yeah. And we had this series of like, it's a lot. It's like seven or eight coalition wars where different nations band together to kind of take on France. And so this is happening when Napoleon is like starting his military career. In his 20s. Yeah. Well, actually in his late teens. Yeah. And so he he becomes a lieutenant in the military and he's a part of this the coalition wars. And he has some early military success as a lieutenant in the war and he starts to climb the ranks in the army until eventually in 1799 he. I hate that last week. I was like, but you don't know about Napoleon and you were like, that's a good idea. Really annoying me right now. I was planning it. Yeah. I know. I planned it already. I think this was my plan. The start. Wait to you. I could be honest. If you that episode I've got planned next, if you can manage, here's let's do this. This will be fun. If you can manage to do this same thing for next week's episode, I don't know what I'll do. That'll be crazy. Okay. But I really want to see if you can figure it out. Leave me a comment below. Right now. I want to see what you guys. Right now what you think. I've done it. I've done it. I've done it. I've done it. One two punch here. Am I going to one two punch again? I will say it is like. It'd be a one two. That'd be a third punch. One two three punch. It is kind of related. There is like a there's a tie. It's a loose tie. But there's a tie. Okay. For next week's episode. So we'll see if we'll see if anyone can get it. All right. I'll see if I can get it. So 1799 rolls around. He's been doing the coalition wars and he's having some success in it. He's climbed the ranks. And I don't know if he's technically a general at this point. He's definitely a high ranking military officer at this point. And he is kind of realizing there's this the power should be his. He's like, I should be in charge. Right. And especially from the military strategy standpoint, but also from just kind of like France. Just kind of like the I should run this. Yeah. And so in November 9th, 1799, he wakes up at 5 a.m. and says it's time. And so it's time also and I've said this before, anybody who wants to be in charge should immediately be disqualified from being in charge of any organization, of any government. If you're the person who's like, I think I should be in charge of this. No. I think we should have a system where we find the person most qualified, but least wants to do it. And we should force them to do it, you know, that's who I think should be the pastor of every church. Yep. I think that's who we should find a person who's like, yeah, I mean like here's my ideas on foreign policy and you know, how we could build back the Fed and try to handle some of this debt situation. And then you go, you want to be in charge and they go, oh, no, I would never want to do that. Shackle him and screaming and then take him and now there are prisoner presidents, prisoner presidents. Hey, actually put me in charge and I'll make this happen. I'll make president presidents. I will make prisoner presidents a thing. Presider president sounds like real quick, would you punch me in the face? Presider president sounds like a 2003 CCM punk band, like they were like trying to sound punk. It also sounds like that song by three doors down, president, yeah, what was that citizen soldier held captive by his need for education and VA benefits for our life. We got him. That was that guy. That was the turn. Sorry. So he wakes up at 5 a.m. and he tells his wife he's married now by the way, a woman named Josephine. Yeah. He wakes up. Hey, Josephine. It's time. He's like, hey, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, how do you wake your wife up? I don't wake my wife up. I'd never do that. Yeah, you're afraid of that. You're afraid of what happens? Never wake my wife up. Bad move. I will say now that we have a son, it's gotten easier if I need to wake up. Because you just go, hey, no, I bring him in and I drop him on her and then she's excited to see him. But you go up and then you run and you shut the door. Yeah. Hey, we just reduced the price of our Patreon to $6.99 a month. That's one price for everybody. You get all the perks. You get the live hangouts. You get to join the Discord. You get early access. Whichever reason you're joining for, we wanted to make it one price because I hate that everything in the world is going up in price. And so we wanted to make this a little bit more affordable for everyone to do. And so, but also the other goal is that more of you join it so that we can keep funding the show. I mean, how do I say that? That sounds like we're poor. And we are. We are. No. But if you can't join us on Patreon, no worries at all. Another way to support the show is by sharing it. Please tell somebody you like the show and thanks for being here for this episode. Yeah, how do you wake your wife up? I go, you're on fire, you're on fire. It's fun. That's insane. I wish our pet can work because there was one morning, I don't know what happened, but I woke up and our room was like the humidity in our room was so thick or something. And I really was like, fire, fire, fire, and I got up and ran downstairs to see what's on fire. And I was like, nothing's what? And then I went back out of the room and the room was clear, so I just looked crazy. Sorry, nothing's on fire. I don't know. I don't know. The light was hitting in the room through the sunlight coming through the blinds. We have blinds, we're poor. And so, like, British people don't have blinds. It's true. So anyway, so I did wake her up like that one morning. Interesting. She goes right back to sleep, but it's a talent that my wife has. She really does have a talent for it. That's what I do. I can sleep pretty quickly. No, I can't. I can't. It takes me a half an hour to fall asleep. So Reagan's afraid to wake you up then. No. I mean, I'm not grumpy in the morning. That's the other thing too. I'm a morning person. She's not even an afternoon person. This woman doesn't come alive until 7.30 pm. I'm not even joking, dude. And at 9 o'clock, we call him the 9 o'clock. Yeah. Because at 9 o'clock, it's like, all right, hey, you ready to start whining down? And she's like, no. She would run six miles at 9 pm if it was up to her. That's crazy. Yeah. OK, so he goes, hey, JoJo. Yeah, he's like, he's like JoJo. It's time for me to take over. It's time. And she's like, take over what you talking about more. You're going to do more chores finally, finally do some work around this house. And he's like, no, no, I'm 5'7 go marry a 5'4 guy. If you want to, if you want to do it, lose your leg, remember that I'm the catch, remember that I'm the catch. I also tell my wife that. So he tells me I'm the catch. He tells Josephine. Hey, here's a couple guys. I need you to take the breakfast, which are like guys in like the, their version of like the parliament. OK. And he knows are not going to side with him. And he's like, he's like, I need you to take them to breakfast. And then he invites everybody else to a meeting. OK. And he basically is like, I want to be in charge. And so here's how this is going to go. And so he basically puts forward a legal road to like create, basically a coup from the inside. Yeah. That's the right people. And so you make sure only the right people are in the room for this meeting. And he slowly like rolls it out through the course of the day and there is like timelines you can find online where it's like the meeting begins at eight. And then the right people are, are brought in, everyone agrees. They take their vote. Then they move on to the bigger group, the bigger group until eventually at 2 a.m. the following morning. He's got the majority day passed the, the ruling where he is now the consulate, the Supreme Consulate. And so there's two other consulates. And so they're kind of like three presidents, but it's like he's the president. And so he's like, he's like, we did it, I'm in charge now. And so he lays down on the bed and he's like, all the days work. Kind of. And so he begins a couple of things start to happen over the next couple of years. He begins to roll out and eventually in 1804 releases the code civil or what's also known as the Napoleonic code, which is a legal code that he orchestrated, which is really interesting because this legal framework that he adopts has later been adopted by at least 120 countries in some way, shape or form. Okay. And so he kind of has shaped like the way the law looks for the majority of the world to this day is at least foundationally tied to this code that he came up with in 1804. And these were things like laws need to be like duly published and applied. And so like it's like, you can't just say it this, you have to be able to enforce it. And there has to be judges have to, they can, they cannot refuse laws to be enforced. Because coming out of the French Revolution and even before the French Revolution in a feudal state, a lot of these regional lords had too much say about what happened in their region. And so you would be in one neighborhood. You know, almost like different laws for different areas. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like how like right now in the States there are certain laws where you cross state line and it's like, now this is a legal. It is crazy. It's like, you know, to see people still getting arrested for any amount of marijuana on them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the same sort of thing. But in France, being a smaller country, like this literally was in some areas. It was like neighborhoods where it's like, you just kind of go into another neighborhood. And now the laws are different. Right. And so he's kind of ratifying this like national law that was like, you cannot federal law. Yeah. You cannot enforce, you cannot pick and choose what you enforce. Everything is enforceable everywhere. Which was kind of radical at the time. And he started to put together, I should say put together. He invested in and moved forward a lot of enlightenment era policies. Yeah. So there's a lot of things. Into the 1700s. Yeah. So there's a lot of a lot of things he pushed forward that led to a lot of the arts. Like the arts in France became a really big deal, but also sciences. And so he had a pretty big impact in this role. But also taken over stuff. He kind of was like, I want to be like, I was going to the great. Yeah. And so. I don't know. It's an interesting idea. Interesting idea is not good idea. Okay, we're going to get there. We're going to get there. We're going to get there. Let's figure it out. And then. You're going to do it about Catherine. The great. Oh, interesting. That's interesting. I haven't thought about that. I don't. Catherine's earlier though. Yeah. She's like 20 years earlier than that. She's like late late. So 30 years. 1770s. Interesting. Interesting. 1760s. Interesting. You didn't know that. So that means that's not the episode. Oh, man. So then a real road. Well, interesting. Like quite a. Well, I mean, it's not that far off. Not that far off. Interesting. I feel like you're good. Okay. Anyways. So I'm going to get it. The. We're going to launch it between this. And you're going to choose one of the ideas. And I said, and then you're going to pretend that I got it. That's how I know. That's how much I know you. So he's he begins to continue his expansionism. Okay. And he's battling wars against the coalition wars are still going on. I think at this point, we're now rolling into the third coalition. When he gets what is pretty widely considered one of his great victories in the battle of Austro-Litz. And so this is a war between Austrian Russian forces where he just decimates them, gets a massive new victory. You're going to do it on North Korea. No. Because I asked you to do that last week. Did you? Wouldn't it be a good episode about North Korea? Alex doesn't care at all. Alex just. Alex is like, did you ask Alex Alex did the thing my wife does where she goes? Um, it's afternoon. It's an afternoon yet. I mean, whatever you want to do, it's fun. You want to do a North Korea shirt. Okay. Sorry. Didn't eat. I interrupted you hard. And so this battle leads to him being able to make the treaty of the treaties of Tilsit between Russia and Russia. And what this was was they were going to join in an economic blockade of Great Britain. Right. And so now they kind of, he started to align with some of the other coalition forces that he was defeating. Yes. And not only was he aligning with some, he was now being able in certain situations to overtake some nations and install puppet leaders, which were always his brothers. Um, and so he's like. You think the literal brothers? Yeah, his literal brothers. Um, and so. He's like, you guys came from the same mom and she's the best. So that's how I know you're. That's how I know you're also. That's how I know you're great. Because you came from the greatest. Braised woman. Ever existed. So in, uh, in, let me see. It would be in 1807, I believe. Oh, no, he did this. He did this at the end of 1804. So he, he took over the beginning of 1804 by the end of 1804. He, he takes himself from consulate to emperor. He crowns himself the emperor of France. And we have this incredible painting called, uh, the coronation of Napoleon. Yeah. And so in this painting, it's interesting to me why they chose to do this the way they chose it. But this is Josephine kneeling before him and she, he's crowning her empress. Um, but he actually crowned himself emperor. Um, which a lot of Europe was like. I don't know how that goes. Yeah. Okay. Um, and he just becomes like fully. Yeah. Like, like Roman, I am God type of emperor attitude. Also, I want to point out in this painting. He's there. A little pointer. He's got the, the videos of the, you know, the video where the guy taps the screen. He breaks the screen with a little finger pointer thing. He has that where he goes huge one. Like a giant one with a hand with a pointer finger at the top. Yeah. So this looks like I didn't read because there's three hands on it, but it's not. Yeah. It's just his pointer finger. Huh. I love it. Um, and so he from here, it goes from like zero to a hundred his conquests. He is going not just across Europe, but into the Middle East into Northern Africa. And he is, uh, he does the Louisiana purchase in 1804 to fund this. He's like, he's like, oh, I can sell a good chunk of our, our territory in the, in the Americas to fund what I want to do over here, which is be the next. That was integrate. Yes. And so a lot of this becomes like, he just wants to be. He wants to be remembered as like a conqueror as a great emperor. Well. And we remember you was short. So, uh, what's interesting is in the 1808, remember you was a tiny little guy. And Napoleon was a wee little man and a wee little man was he. That's the song, right? Is it Napoleon? Who is that who? Are you serious? Which one of us has a has a Bible? Oh, it's a kiss. Napoleon hit fit. I, that's why I did it. I know what's it. I'm sorry. We did it study nursery songs in my college classes. Oh, we did. That's probably why I floaked out. I was in the different classes that had been in control. They put me, they put you in the Bible courses. And then I took the, the nursery. And they were like, I have, have we got a last for you. And it was just the adult studies daycare. And I was like, this is awesome. This place is great. They got blocks. Thanks. A little gummy snacks. Oh, you guys got blocks. This is cool. This is, this place is sick. I made, you know. You came back to the dorms and shut everyone in your colors. Yeah. I'm going to color this. I colored this today. And they were like, cool, Jared. Was that your homework? Yeah. I didn't, I did it in class. It was classwork. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. In 1808, he invades Spain. And he triggers like the actual collapse of the Spanish royal. Yeah. He puts his brother in charge of Spain. And what's interesting about this is this triggers a collapse through Spanish, the Spanish Latin America and Latin American occupation. Because all of these nations were like, we're not going to follow that guy. That guy is not our leader. The other guy was. He's gone. Sure. So we're kind of our own thing now. Yeah. And because it was so far away. And because Napoleon didn't really care about what was going on. It was a work away. He was really kind of focused on his. This ground for triggered Mexican independence. And a lot of other Latin American nations were able to begin laying the ground works for their third later road. Independence. Right. So really interesting, consequential, like outcome of his invasion of Spain. By 1809, we roll into the war of the fifth coalition. And so now it is Great Britain, Austria, Sardinia, Spain, Sicily, and the Black Brunswickers, which I don't know what that is, all fighting against France to take them down. And so what's really interesting about these coalition wars. And France was like behind Napoleon. Yeah. And we're like, this is our guy. Yes, yes. It was really interesting. Like in this era, there was like a French nationalism that had a... Well, they had also just, you know, 40 years before that taken down. Yeah. What they saw as an impressive regime, that was on the back. And he did, if you were French in this era, it was a pretty good time. Unless you were like a soldier and you were fighting the war. Pretty good time. Because like he did. He like really, the arts, the sciences, everything was getting elevated. Their economy was thriving because they have this war they're making a lot of money off of. Right. And he is pillaging. Like pillaging, like crazy. The Louvre, the good chunk of what's in the Louvre to this day, is Napoleon's pillaging. The stuff he stole. Yeah, throughout all of that whole Mediterranean world that he was invading. And so they were becoming very... They were becoming a superpower. Yeah, they were a superpower. They were probably the preeminent superpower during this moment. Yes. But during this moment. And so if you're French in this moment, I think you were proud. I think there was like a nationalism that had a rose. For the majority of French people. Yeah. If you weren't French, you hated the French. Yeah. Or you were begrudgingly like working with them. It was kind of like, well, they're the ones that are in charge we kind of have to right now. Yeah. But like you weren't excited about it, you know? And so this huge, huge swath of Europe was fighting back against them. And it's interesting to kind of look at it because really if you think about it, this is kind of like a world war moment where there is this massive conflict for Europe. Even the greater Mediterranean, Northern Africa, Britain saw this opportunity. We're going to talk about this last week. But Britain saw this opportunity to go actually take over a good chunk of India. And so like a lot of the combination, colonization of India happened in this moment because they saw, oh, there's less the empires that were active in that day. We're moving up into the Middle East to defend the lands of the Middle East. Right. And so they were able to then gain control over India. Likewise, Russia, Great Britain and the French were all coalescing in the Middle East as this kind of like trade central route of like we all need to fortify this area. Sure. And so there was a lot of both colonization happening in this moment and also like changing of hands of power in this moment. Most of that section of the world was at war. And then we just in the last episode learned about everything that was happening in the United States. And then also there's revolutions happening all across Latin America because of the power of actually creating it. It was just contagious in the late 1700s or 1800s. Yeah, it really was like a, I mean, I think like it's like the pre-World War. I mean, I think it's like whenever we move from feudalism to the next stage, where across the whole planet was monarchs and feudalism and power structures that existed for millennia before that. And then just getting dismantled in a pretty quick pace all in that window. Yeah, the marching forward of like progress in ways where like obviously like this was bloody and there was a lot of violence involved in a lot of this and a lot of people got the bad end of the deal in this situation. Death. Not just death, like there was a lot of slavery, a lot of like people's livelihoods were destroyed. It's like it wasn't just death, like a lot of suffering came out of it. But I do think like the world we know today that is not like under feudalism and monarchy and things like that came out of this. And whenever you see that, like you said, like there is the people who had power before, they don't give it up easily. Right. And so there is a push and there's also a traditionalist mindset where the people who like like you knew the world you had before. And it's like I kind of want to get back to that world, which is part of what Napoleon campaigned for. Like Napoleon was like remember what it was like before the tyrants that we just killed became tyrants. I remember what it was like. And so like he kind of there was a whole business nostalgic. Yeah, like yeah, let's bring back the great French France. Great. Like it really was kind of like I think he campaigned on again. I feel like we Maffa. Wait, no. No. Maffa. Maffa. The confidence. Maffa. Stupid. So you're a dumb guy. And Hey, October 22nd, we're doing till alive as part of the fountain scene. It's part of the fountain city comedy festival here in Kansas City. You got a tillin.com slash live for more information. You get passes. It's going to be more than just us. Oh, yeah. It's like legitimately not an advertisement right now. The festival is pretty sick. Like there's a really great lineup. A lot of really good comics. This thing's been growing a lot the past couple of years. So really cool to be the part of it. And so hopefully we'll see you there. Anyways, so he is he's conquesting. Yeah. And it kind of gets to a point where there's great Britain, but he's got great Britain kind of under control. Like they're not. They're not advancing. Yeah, they're not making cover in the ground. He's holding them back. And other than that, it's Russia. Everybody else has kind of bowed the need to him. And this is around 1812 June of 1812. And so he's like, is there a guy to get Russia? And he's like, I'm going to have to start. He's in charge in Russia right now. Peter Teal. Yes. No, the the Sara of Russia at that time was. I do know his name. Sara Alexander the first. Oh, Alexander. Peter's. Yeah, Alexander was Catherine's son. Oh, oh. Peter was who she was with her. My bad. And so. So he's like in in June of 1812. He's like, I'm going to go take Russia. I was here. Is that who we're going to talk about next now? See you next week. Talk about Alexander. So. I got him. That's how I know I got him. Not anymore. He's going to change it up. But for a second, I had him. So Napoleon goes into Russia in June of 1812. Alexander the great. And he's like, he's like, I'm going to get. I'm going to get Russia. I can overthrow the star. If I go into Moscow, I march into Moscow. It's what I do. It's what I do. I roll into places and they bow down to me. He didn't expect the Russians to be insane. To be crazy. Yeah. And so he rolls into Russia with an army of 655,000 soldiers. Now there's some context here too because speaking of moms, right? Yeah. Alexander's mom, Catherine. Yeah. Catherine came to power by overthrowing her own husband. Yeah. Right? So they're a crazy family. They are. And then you show up. And he's like, you don't know what I'm about to do. You know? Yeah. So they go into Russia and they start marching through Russia. And they're having a lot of success going through the beginning. Like the outer edges. Yeah. I'm a lot of success. The closer they get. In September of 1812, they fight the Battle of Boradino, which is just 60 miles outside of Moscow, which is obviously the destination of trying to get to the Capitol so they can overthrow the Tsar. And it's interesting because this was considered a French victory. But it was close because between the two of them, they had both last 68,000 soldiers. Yeah. So bloody battle. I think I mentioned it, but 655,000 soldiers who he brought with him into Russia. 655,000 soldiers. And this is a coalition now. This is, this is not just more than just this is this is Germans, this is Russia's because he has, this is Spaniards. He has overtaken these nations, installed his brothers and co-opted their armies. So now he's got this massive force marching through Russia. And as he nears Moscow, what's interesting is he. I think he, well, he rolls into Moscow. And we're coming into the winter months. And he rolls into Moscow. And he finds that Moscow is empty. There's not a person here. And it's also been burned to the ground. And what he finds out is Moscow said, we'll reach it to it. And they retreated and they set Moscow on fire. And they said, take it. They, they, that's what I'm saying. They were insane. They would scorch the earth. They said they said there's no chance that they can survive a Russian winter. And they said, let's make them do it. And so they retreated further into the Russian mainland. And they set their capital city on fire so there would be no resources. And, and everything's just destroyed. So they get there. They find an empty barren wasteland. But they also don't recognize is the, his forces, they're used to battling in Western Europe. And so what they typically do is they take this massive armada of horses. And the horses, what they normally do is they feed off the land. But in the Russian winter, that's not an option. There is not anything for these horses to feed off of. And the amount of horses that they brought with them, someone like historians have gone back and done the math, math. They needed four million pounds of feed a day for the horses that they had. So immediately the horses are starving to death. Yeah. And so by the end of this winter, they lose 200,000 horses. And they get to Moscow. They realize nothing's there. They, they set up camp. They try to figure out. They think about planning to move in, try to find them. Eventually, they decide to retreat. And by the time they make it out of Russia, force of 655,000 men was down to 93,000. Oh my gosh. And so this is the like great humiliation of Napoleon. And so he lost half a million men. Yeah. Trying to chase the Russians through Russia. And the Russians are just like, we're going to sit on fire before you. The Russians are like, good luck. Have fun in the snow. And so that's how I feel when out of state drivers are driving in Missouri during snowstorms. I'm just like, I'm like, I was born here. You don't know. Yeah. You don't know. Or like when I'm driving in California in the rain. Yeah. And it's just like, you guys are afraid of this. You have no idea what I've seen. You got no idea what I've been through. We used to put sandbags in the back of my pickup truck to weigh it down so I wouldn't spin out on the way to school. And so he begins. I've got 200,000 horses in the back of my Ford Ranger to weigh it down. So I don't spin that. So I don't spin out of the snow. So he begins marching back across Europe. And across Europe as he goes back, there are a handful of battles. You got a lot to get to. You don't want to bit about, you didn't want to bit about my Ford Ranger. So he. Sorry. He goes back. Sorry. You have something else to say about your Ford Ranger. I thought you were done. It seemed like you were done with that. Nope. Okay. He goes back. My wife quotes that song every time we see a Ford Ranger. The guy on TikTok. What's that? I know that truck. I'm no stranger. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. I do like that. That's cool. All right. So for the next couple of years. The Russians basically chased Napoleon and his troops across Europe. Until he gets back to Paris. And he gets back to Paris and the French. What happened to happen to all of our friends? Yeah. The French are kind of like, hey man. That kind of sucked. I don't think this is working anymore. While you were gone, someone else kind of took charge. It's your brother. It's our step emperor. And we step for it. We kind of like a better kind of like a better. He's kind of like cooler than you. He's fishing. He's also ice cream. Five, seven and a half. Rich. He's got so much money. He drives the port. Our mom likes a lot. Yeah. So this your mom likes him a lot. And so they signed the Treaty of Fontaine Blue with basically the rest of Europe. That is like, hey, we're going to stop being real. Yeah, we're going to chill. And also we're going to kick that Napoleon guy out. That's kind of terms like he's can't be here anymore. Yeah. So he gets exiled to the island of Elba, which is an island in the middle of the Mediterranean with only 12,000 people on it. And they say you're going to stay there. And everything's going to be okay. And so this is the moment where the British are like, okay, Napoleon's gone now. And so like, let's go to the United States and go rough them up a little bit. Sure. And so he stays there for a touch. Louis, the 13th is placed as king. And so they decided to go back to a monarchy after this. They're like, this whole other thing we did was not a good idea. This day. And while he's there in Napoleon, eventually manages to escape the island he was banished to. And in 1815, he takes a thousand men back into Paris. And he overthrows King Louis the 13th, or is it the 18th? The 18th. Sorry, Louis the 18th. And he spends 100 days as the emperor again. And he's like, we're going to keep doing it. And so he tries to come. He's like, hey guys. Russia. So yeah, so he tries it again. And you know, it's, I mean, a little bit of success. Like he has the same sort of military success. He's still like clearly a good military strategist. But on June 22nd, 1815, they say, hey, you got to go. We'll take your son. He can be in charge. But you got to go. And so they exile him to Saint Helena, where he ends up living the rest of his life. On a little island town of Jamestown. What's this? Yeah, this is off the west coast of Africa. Yeah. And so he lives there the rest of his life. And he dies in March 1921 or 1821. 106 years later, along life. Yeah. And so what does that, dude? The evil people live really long. What's really interesting, though, is... Also, he wasn't that old, huh? Yeah, he would have been... 53? Yeah. 51. 51. His last words were France, the army, the head of the army, Josephine. France. The army, the head of the army. Jojo. And Josephine was his first wife. He's been remarried since then. You're on fire. You're on fire. You're on fire. You're on fire. France. Yeah, that would suck. Josephine was his first wife. And you're on your third wife. And you wake up and you're like, Josephine. And she's like, uh. Yes. Yeah. You're like, okay. He does that. France took his body. And 57 was pretty tall back then. And 51 was kind of old. So they took his body and they did it what? They've got this little mausoleum form in France. He's still in there. He's in there. Yeah. Which seems small. It does seem small. This is clearly the... Is this the side view? This is the side view, dude. It seems small. He's got to be bent in there. What's the other view? Give me a Pokemon go 360 of this thing. Hold on. What's the... There's no way. Okay, here we go. I got a... I got a diagonal view. Oh, I'm sure it's pretty deep, you know. He's probably... Yeah, give me that guy. I think he's sideways. He's got to be bent. There's no way he's in this enough. If he's in this straight, bro lied about his height. He is not 57. He's like 53. Maybe five. I mean, how big is this thing? I mean, it's pretty big. You can see a person up there on the second floor. Even on the first floor, there's a couple of people in there. Yeah, but I mean, it might be... You know, he might be like laying... There might be... You know, he's got to be fully laying in there, huh? We should go and see how big it is. And this is... And they did this for him. They were like, yeah, he's still cool, though. Oh, the French... It's kind of like a love-hate relationship, I think. Because... You did usher in a different... Yeah, he ushered in a different... Kind of like an enlightenment era for the French. He also... His law code is adopted at 120 countries. Yeah. His military strategy is used to this day. Like, he's widely revered as like a... Genius. Yeah, and when it comes to military strategy. But then there is kind of the conqueror emperor type of thing. That's pretty... Something's broken up there. Yeah, not great. Yeah. But he loved his mom. The French love their moms. The French love their moms. But what's interesting is after this, the... The whole of Europe came together and they put together a series of treaties. A whole series of treaties to stop a Napoleon from ever happening again. Okay. And Alexander, sorry, I was in the first. His big thing... He argued against having any sort of like democratically led... Or even... This new type of government because this is what it leads to. This is what it creates. So he made a big push to go back to more traditional values, traditional Russian values. But you see all of these treaties start to take shape. And these nations began to like agree to defend all of each other against any sort of uprising. Which included revolution. Yeah. So in throughout the 1800s, you would see these revolutions pop up all around... Not just Europe, but the whole greater Mediterranean. And these other nations would come in to stop the revolution. And so it wasn't just that government stopping the revolution. It was all their allies. Now we're coming in and stamping out revolutionary powers. Which created this kind of era of peace that... I don't want to say... It hit a fever bubble point. Right. The World War. And the first World War was this kind of artificial peace where there was a lot of tension. And there was definitely a lot of... There was a treaty made to carve up Africa for all these different nations. And so Africa greatly changed in the wake of this, trying to avoid another war like the Napoleonic War. But ultimately that little... This duct tape prevention of war led to... More. World War One. At that time the worst that anyone had ever seen. Yeah. And we didn't know. And we don't know. And we don't know. So pretty crazy how... I don't know. We said this in the last episode, but it's all connected. And you can kind of get the vibe that it's not. But when you start to see the three lines of how the oldest connects... I think a lot of times you hear World War One be painted as a pointless war that didn't need to happen. But seeing the origins of it. Yeah, a lot of it like it is this boiling that had been going on for like a century. Yeah. That I guess there wasn't like really any goals to that war by that point. But there was this tension that almost... I mean clearly had to get released between all these powers. And it greatly reshaped the world. Well, as my favorite song goes... My name is Napoleon Bonaparte. And it's time to fiddle off. Hey, thanks for listening to this episode of Things On The Last Night. Please share this with somebody. Tell somebody about the show. It's the freest and easiest way to help us grow this thing. If you liked that episode and you want another one we did an episode about Vladimir Putin. Yeah, that guy. And he's also 57. He's 57. And so you can go listen to that, watch that wherever you're getting this podcast. And also, if you want next week's episode to find out what the topic actually is, that Tim keeps teasing over here, you can find us on Patreon. That's another way to support the show. Zero pressure to do it, but we did make it as cheap as possible. So there's not really any excuse not to anymore. And if you don't, you're a bad friend. And right? So we'll see you next week if you're a bad friend. But we'll see you right now on Patreon if you're a good friend. So which one are you? Supportive? We're honest. Right Tim? Right.