Episode Transcription

Made by robots, for robots. Only read if you're weird.

Unknown Speaker Hey man, what's up? Have you ever heard of Michael Fagan? Unknown Speaker Michael Fagan Unknown Speaker Michael Fagan Speaker 1 yawn I have somehow one of my what I hope is my wife's hair on my energy drinks likely yeah this is how I don't understand when the stories break of people who have gotten away with cheating for like years yeah and it's like Dude if my if I think about her another hair will appear very accurate I mean like my car is full of bobby pins absurd you cannot be around a female without just having hair everywhere it's like it's I think I think that's like a an evolutionary response that females develop people cheat Yeah. To try to claim their their man or whatever dude, freaking her stuff is just everywhere. Unknown Speaker You honestly like you might be onto something. Unknown Speaker So sorry I got distracted there is the AC off my crazy head so I don't have a massive red light that says the Queen day just go with Unknown Speaker the news. Trying to be on TV. Speaker 1 They just go nude feet in my house. I gotta cover that. I learned last night Speaker 1 Michael Fagan whose names sounds vaguely familiar to me, Unknown Speaker it's because I've mentioned him before. Speaker 1 Is he the bad guy from Spy Kids one Speaker 2 you know that does sound like honestly he kind of looks like it. You want to see a picture of him? Unknown Speaker Who is the bad guy from doing it? We're here at Blue flew good slogan like Michael Fagan, show Speaker 2 me this is Michael Fagan. Okay. You might know him by his title. Oh no. Whoa, what do you do? What are you worried about? Speaker 1 I don't know. Why no one was this title Grandmaster whatever else Unknown Speaker now you might know him by his title intruder. Unknown Speaker Intruder Michael Fagan. What does that okay, Unknown Speaker it's kind of like Inspector Gadget. Speaker 1 No. Intruder gadget is a thing we should absolutely do. Speaker 2 I like that idea. Okay. Michael Fagan is famous for Unknown Speaker intruding Speaker 3 on intruding a very significant place. Speaker 1 Wait, did he hop the fence on the white house one time? Was it that guy close? And like can you wasn't there a guy that made it to the White House with like a knife and was just wondering the White House with a knife? Do you remember that? I've never it was during the Obama years. I have never and he like made it in the White House and was just in the hallways. And a staffer was like Hey, who are you? And he's like, I'm gonna Speaker 2 house with a knife. Yeah, someone did it. This will put me on a list. Yeah, well, and just White House with knife to 14. White House. Unknown Speaker You're already on? Yeah. Unknown Speaker That's good. Omar J Gonzalez. Yeah, he visited the US Army or no, yeah. Let's Speaker 1 be visited the US Army. He brought him a case of beer. Unknown Speaker Yeah. And he came in with a pocket knife. Speaker 1 Which was he wielding it? Or do these have a pocket knife? That's a different story that may have been blown up a portion then yeah, he Speaker 2 scaled though while several agents pursued him ran directly towards the doors which were unlocked. Seems like in this. Speaker 1 Well, I mean, honestly, if you've got armed security around a building all the time, what's the lock of the door gonna do? Like if that was a if Omar has his little pocket knife and he made it to the doors? What's the point of being like, oh, man, they were locked. You know, you got snipers on the roof of this building. 24/7. And Omar made it to the doors, but if Unknown Speaker they locked the doors, Speaker 1 he should have got to at least like cut Obama's leg or something, you know, Speaker 2 and they actually said in a report that they didn't shoot them because he wasn't wielding a weapon. But they did say that his jacket was large enough to conceal a lot of explosives. That's the quote. So Speaker 1 but then you risk like shooting him and then you know, yeah. Speaker 2 It sounds like he was wielding it. He they they interrupt a service agent. Speaker 1 They interviewed another sniper. And he said he didn't shoot because he didn't quote feel like it. So I don't know. Whenever you think about giving 100% of your job. Just remember there's a couple snipers on top of the White House who just whatever date that was. weren't feeling it. Speaker 2 Yeah. So he he, he ended up getting captured. So he had the knife in his pocket. It was a pocket knife in his pocket. Okay. So he wasn't wielding it. But they they took him to the hospital instead of jail because he was complaining of chest pains. which is a Unknown Speaker good way to get in jail Ospital Speaker 1 don't take me to jail. I have chest pains. Okay. Yeah, this is not Michael Fagan. Yeah, this is a different guy. My bad they sound the same to me. This Speaker 2 is a different guy. Let's see if you could name this building this is the building he intruded upon. Do you know what that is? Speaker 1 Is that Buckingham Palace? Let me give you another angle and see if you can tell Oh, this is the Indiana State Capitol I remember this we went there on a tour once is it Buckingham Palace Speaker 2 Yeah, it's Buckingham Palace and I'm Speaker 1 so Michael Fagan got in there Yeah, so my config and he's an intruder. The doors were unlocked. Who's when you got all those floofy hat guys out front? Oh, he's so locked the doors. Yeah, the blue flag salute the flag and finger guys. Speaker 2 Know, so in early July 1982. Unknown Speaker In line we see a professional headshot of this guy. Why did you have a professional headshot? If he's only famous for sneaking in? Unknown Speaker He's famous for intruding okay. He Unknown Speaker also had a band Speaker 3 he's got to look into his eyes were like everybody should have known this guy's Speaker 1 why? Okay, I'm curious how this is a full episode but let's go for it. Is that man wearing in the back in the background is that man wearing a belt with sweatpants Speaker 2 is definitely he's wearing it and they're not sweatpants their champion before champion was cool. champion Unknown Speaker belt it's like Santa Claus belt. Unknown Speaker Okay, that was his band Unknown Speaker are ready to listen to his band and the after the Fiddler's now we Speaker 2 don't have any any recordings. If they weren't, like a successful band, they weren't successful enough to record something because that Speaker 1 why he intruded now we're gonna call it the whole time the verb of he intruded he he intruded the motive. I mean, I'm gonna get there I guess Yeah, we will. Unknown Speaker So early July 1982. Yeah. Call it the first he in the middle of the night. He got very drunk and shimmied up a drain pipe to the roof got up to the roof and what thankfully Thankfully, Speaker 1 he took off he made up a drain pipe you should be to drain the drain pipe. Unknown Speaker I mean, they're big like look at the size of Speaker 1 the palace. Like yeah, but I guess I'm thinking like get closer. I'm thinking of gutters you know and a little see those big pillars those are drain pipes. No, they're not. But I'm saying like he shimmied it up it like he just got his head in and then Speaker 2 No, he didn't get in the dream. And he grabbed the outside of it. Speaker 1 I thought he was a spider for a second. I thought he was just you know the itsy bitsy Fagin waterspout down came the flu fat shot him in the face story is a sad one and this is where it is and Michael flake and die that Unknown Speaker pain that was his song and that got shot Speaker 1 in the heart was like Oh shoot. I mean, it makes way more sense that he would he would climb the outside for some reason my head was like he like headfirst into it. And like like used his shoulders to wiggle his way up a drain but yeah, Speaker 3 I guess the word shimmy does it was yes the shoulders too. Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, sorry. That was me being dumb. So he climbed a rare moment on the show. Speaker 2 He climbed like, like like old school lumberjacks up a redwood. Yeah, and then like climbed his way up but it probably wasn't that wide it was probably like more like a Speaker 1 is a visual bit for our audio podcast, but I like it. You want to describe it? Yeah, he's got his Tim legs happy happening on the table and I can feel it. You can see or hear what's happening. And honestly there was never a lever like that. You get it? Okay. Climbed. He climbed a drain pipe. Yeah, he climbed a drain pipe. It's through the roof gets to the roof sees a man with a fan up there. Make it in green. And he's like, Oh shoot. Should I be green to paper? I sell. Yeah, but he's drunk dude. He thought that was Speaker 3 he was like you want to see him? He's like, whoa. Speaker 1 On July 1 1982 Michael fliegen met Wagan is possibly an alien on top of Buckingham Palace on a cold Unknown Speaker cold it is. Unknown Speaker That's all right. Speaker 2 Okay. So he found he found an open window. We're gonna get rid of this picture. Yeah, sorry I forgot I had open found an open window found an open window climbed inside he's drunk really took off his socks and shoes because he's polite. Yeah probably shouldn't take a socks or shoes. Yeah, sure. Lots of socks taking the shoes off his pipe. Taking the socks off was you're getting too gross. Speaker 1 Yeah, someone comes to my house and takes off. If they just go nude feet in my house. I gotta cover that. Your Navy toes please take my wife socks off because she calls our cats toes beans, right? Because yeah, so we're in the store of the grocery variety. And we're just walking to the store and I had to fix my sock. My sock is falling off my foot. So I take my shoe off, and I'm fixing my sock and my toe slips out and she yells loudly in a grocery store. Jared your beans are Unknown Speaker I'd be scraping Unknown Speaker both my shoes on my feet on Unknown Speaker my feet on and I'm not digging it back. Speaker 1 So he's doing it. He's pulling Zach they are in Buckingham Palace right now. Got it? Yeah. Speaker 2 So he's walking the palace. And there was a housemaid who was on the floor, like saw him climb to this window. So she ran to go get some guards. But he managed to escape the heart that hall before the cards arrive. So he was so she just went crazy. Yeah, yeah, actually. Yeah, there's no one here. Like yeah, they were like haunted Unknown Speaker dude. Speaker 2 They were like, they're like, they're like, How's some guy going to get up on the roof of Buckingham Palace? You stupid. Speaker 1 talk down to where were you talking about? Yeah, listen here. Speaker 2 They got it. You don't know that though. We know. We both get regards. She was a housemaid it was the 80s sure we know. And so he walked around the palace. And he spent about a half an hour eating cheese and crackers got into the wine. Speaker 1 What is it just our top selling white wine? Yeah, it's like just like a free sample people in the Buckingham Palace. We talked about some cheese getting into their cupboards Speaker 2 Yeah, I assume I don't know I don't eat here's the deal Speaker 1 that Christmas has a whole catalogue out called Fagan's favorites but tastes of Buckingham Palace and it's just himself I've tasted with the royalty has here's the thing Speaker 2 though the import like importing laws were interesting because the license Speaker 1 is easy. Really. It is like is there just food out I guess I guess he claims he ate cheese there are Speaker 2 over 700 rooms in Buckingham Palace and so when you have that many rooms there's probably I didn't know multiple kitchens and cupboards places Speaker 1 so I mean stated a new one every night. You never knew which one she was in roulette dude. Surprises yeah and it really the the maids freaked out because she slept naked you know? So like they would do this they would be like a game where they'd be like oh empty there's not even a Unknown Speaker bed in this room. She's just hanging from the rafters Unknown Speaker snorted loudly Unknown Speaker okay Unknown Speaker she does this that's how she lives so Unknown Speaker yes, the secret people don't sleep upside down long enough. She's still alive a timer on this recording. We're very far. Production Speaker 1 oh my gosh, I'm crying Hanging upside there are several 100 rooms so he's going a bit big he's just he managed to get to the post room there's got to be like a bunch of secret tunnels in that building you think? Speaker 2 Oh for sure. He managed to get to the post room meander through some mail for a little bit and then went to the throne room sat on the throne for a little while No Unknown Speaker we did not. Unknown Speaker I went to admire a bunch of Speaker 1 what does the throne room look like? Show me the throne room. Let's say I said that like someone who has one you also show me the throne. You did with a weird show me this is this is how Criss Angel fights in his show. I'm still not over it. Unknown Speaker Have you talked about that on the show yet? I've you know, I Speaker 1 tried and I spent too much quote too much time I remember so we cut it to put you want to put it as a bonus. mentioning it. He was drunk the whole time. It was a bad show. Do not go if you go to Vegas. But Tim we went because Tim told us was the highlight of his honeymoon. And it was I stand by it. Okay, yeah. Tim must have also been drunk the whole time. Speaker 2 Hey, thanks for checking out this episode. If you liked this, we've got a lot of great ones. Let me recommend a recent one hitch bought. Basically some Canadian scientists said what if we made a robot that hitchhiked across the country? You think it can make it? Spoiler alert it's a fun episode. I like it a lot. You can need to check it out. One of my favorite reason jokes is in there. So check that one out. But if not, thanks for being here. Speaker 2 Here's the throne room at Buckingham Palace which honestly, Speaker 1 not impressed a little underwhelming to be real. But if you look at Speaker 2 the second chandelier on the right, that's where she hangs at night. Unknown Speaker That's her right there. Unknown Speaker Yeah, honestly, I'm going to tell you this Speaker 1 the I thought the throne would be bigger, I guess. Yeah, I Unknown Speaker would think so too. Speaker 1 I mean, I guess the ceiling like okay, I'll say this. The top of the chairs is like where it gets interesting, you know, say that? The chairs looks like a Baptist church. Speaker 2 It ain't really like that. Like every step. Yeah. carpeting. Yes. Yeah. And then even the carpet that's coming out from it. Like that does look like that square carpet that you get Speaker 1 to play basketball on a basketball goal for this room. This looks like Speaker 2 wow, that's actually the curtain behind folds down and there's a hoop Unknown Speaker How tall do you think those ceilings are is huge, though. Speaker 2 I mean, that is already right. The ceilings are beautiful. The chandeliers crazy, but I'll say this. Every time I build a castle in Minecraft, that throne room is way better than this. Unknown Speaker Yeah, that's why you don't have one. If I had to guess, Speaker 2 people, how many people now have 200 rooms? Okay, let's put them in our house. Well, okay, I could have one. I could add one but, but I sold too early. Speaker 1 Well, I like apartment complex. And they have a two bedroom two bath. But they've also got a two bedroom two bath grown. But like that was like $18,000 a month. A lot more and I make good money. I make more than you but like, I don't make that much. Yeah, I mean, I make that much but I mean you don't say like I could have I could afford it. What are the Speaker 2 odds that you just convert your second bedroom into a throne room? Don't tell Reagan and just let her come home one day and you're in there. Well Speaker 1 I had that throne remember that throne? I had to Yeah. For it was a check mark bit. Oh gosh, I forgot. Yeah, we made the whole background blue checks meant something. Unknown Speaker Yeah, I applied for one actually. Unknown Speaker So you know any Olivia can get one. Unknown Speaker I haven't got it yet. I got 30 days to get it go. I Speaker 1 meant I could pay for the Instagram account called any old idiot. Verified. Okay, anyway, so he goes and sits on the throne Speaker 2 for a little bit. I mean, he he's doing this pretty quick. Honestly, he was only there for around 30 minutes. Speaker 1 And how, I guess I thought there'd be like lasers and stuff. You know, he Unknown Speaker did ship three alarms. Okay, guards kept turning him off. I'll Speaker 1 just say how does how does the museum that we talked about how does the Gardner Museum have more security than this? Speaker 2 It doesn't. So they tripped the alarm. He tripped the alarm three times. The gardens gardener was like, man, something's wrong with the alarms tonight. Just keep the alarm just keep tripping. Speaker 1 That's so like, dude, and the security guards will make in front of the maid. Yeah. Speaker 2 And then eventually he just waltz his way back up to the roof to that window cleaning out the window, put socks and shoes back on slithered down the drain. Unknown Speaker First this time, thank you Unknown Speaker and then left scaled the one left. Speaker 1 Okay, but we don't know that. So we're going fully on his testimony. Well, yeah, this didn't I mean, we're Speaker 2 going to say testimony of the neighborhood a maid as well didn't ask him Yeah, I guess hit him in the maid and the she saw go I was TK here and the palace people Unknown Speaker the palace people yeah Speaker 2 all the people who just live in the palace walls they they they don't have eyes but they hear really well they hear so good they can make out face don't Speaker 1 have eyes your stuff good they're living off what sonar Unknown Speaker that's where he got the cheese from Unknown Speaker there's Walker Unknown Speaker communicate like Wales was a terrible audio experience. I'm sorry for that. Unknown Speaker And then yeah, and they punch through here did the wall they were like geez Unknown Speaker they give a wall cheese Unknown Speaker wall cheese Speaker 1 everyone's just wakes up this yellow real long tongue or frog is the AC off. Am I Am I crazy? It's so Unknown Speaker it's so okay. Speaker 1 We should turn the AC off and see how long we make it do this friggin 99 degrees outside. Let's open the windows and just so stuffy in here. Speaker 2 Then on 7am July 9. Only a few days later. Unknown Speaker He's like I want to do it again. Unknown Speaker He climbs the 14 foot hall Speaker 1 this becomes his drunk thing. He doesn't remember any of it the first time doesn't remember it at all. This becomes his like what he does. Speaker 2 So here's the thing he climbs he has to climb the perimeter wall before he can get it and so there's a perimeter wall. That's correct. Unknown Speaker Oh, shoot. Unknown Speaker Is that the palace? Speaker 1 Is Ah, he's with the palace people. Speaker 2 Yeah, someone needs to tell him it's not safe there at night. That's what guards kept turning Speaker 1 not with the ghouls in rooms 594 through 700 Unknown Speaker That's the goal galley. Cool galley. Speaker 2 So before he can even get to the palace, there's a perimeter wall. He's got a scale. It's 14 feet tall. And it's topped with revolving spikes and barbed wire. No, it's not. Yeah, Speaker 1 the picture sorry, I said that looks I just domain like I'm gonna finish two year old picture now. Show. Picture Show me now. It's topped with rolling spikes like a frickin Indiana Jones cave. What are you talking about? This man is scaling. He's drunk too. Speaker 2 He's so drunk. Otherwise he probably want to try this because this is this. This looks like when you're waiting in line at a theme park for a rollercoaster ride. Like what they've got for the ambiance. Unknown Speaker Oh my gosh. What? He's drunkenly scaling this. Speaker 2 Yeah. For the audio on this listener. It's a 14 foot wall with spikes. Speaker 1 It's not the spikes look like what are the like jacks that you throw? They do? Yeah, they do. And they're all lined up. There's no gaps. There is no way to get around this. Yeah. And then the power wires another seven feet. Probably. Yeah, the Speaker 2 barbed wire is really tall. And it's slanted. Yeah, it's slanted backwards. This Speaker 1 is no more than what you see at a prison. Yeah, this is like, Speaker 2 honestly, this is he should trial for American Ninja Warrior. Because like that's, that's the scale of this. Except for that. Like it kills you. If you mess up. And it's not Speaker 1 electrified. It might be it looks like it looks viral on Speaker 2 the I mean, this is more recent. So like maybe they have electric since this guy got in? Sure. This was 82 Speaker 1 Yeah, it looks electrified. Look at that cable running across the second one down. Yeah, yeah, that's electrified for sure. Unknown Speaker Interesting, okay. Unknown Speaker So he's scales this Speaker 2 who scales this wall gets over this problem, climbs up his trusty old drainpipe the same one as last time. And alarm sensor actually senses his movements at this point before he even gets in. But again, the security guards are like, Ah, it's broken. Busted. Unknown Speaker She must be flying around again. Unknown Speaker So basically, it's upside down, but they get Speaker 1 wiser than ever. Yeah. And she's sleep flies. She's doing it. She wakes up. She has no recollection. That's like the secret of the royal family is that they're all some weird like bat hybrids. They they're behind their horns. Speaker 2 But they can't do it. They Can't do it themselves. It's not on command. It's only in there. It's only when they're asleep. Unknown Speaker They used to be able to do it on command. That's how they got power. But now they're just really hoping to hang on. Unknown Speaker It's because they keep hitting the wall cheese the wall Jean Speaker 1 Michel Fagan gets in there with the silver spike. He doesn't know but he's the hero. He can only do it when he's drunk. He's tried to climb the wall sober. Here's the story. Here's the fable the fake and fable if you will. Long ago, there was a family who were bats. Hybrid bats. Left upside down. Yeah, that's what I'm going for. I want to say that I want the SEO to pick up that we're calling the Queen vampy? Yeah, you know, that's a vampy queen. She sleeps upside down. There's a different family though Fagan's who have to have a silver spike that's passed down generation a generation. And all it takes to gain power of Europe and take over the royal family is to kill one of them with a silver spike. But Michael Fagan is trying to get in to do it. He's trying to finish his centuries long battle of these two families, but he can't do it. Unless he gets blackout drunk. And then what happens is when he's drunk, he forgets that he's he's wandering around the cat sightseeing, freaking cheese and crackers. Hungry, you know? And he's like, who's the voice is telling me to eat cheese? Yeah, dude. That's the voices of her long lost relatives. They're trying to protect the family. It's a whole thing. Have you not read the book? Your dying grandma has told you this your entire life, ma'am. And so he's wandering the rooms and she's just teleporting room to room. They can teleport, going room to room. And she's and really what happened was, you know, he realized when he got into the silver spike had fallen down the drain pipe and into the sewage with the other family. Oh, no, there's no Third. Third, you got to wait. You got to buy my new book. But it's the other family rats. Yeah, obviously, obviously. Yeah. Speaker 2 Okay, I like this. You're shockingly close. Yeah. Speaker 1 I mean, like the book is called through the eyes of Sergeant Winslow. Unknown Speaker Sergeant Fagan. He was a CIA operative. Speaker 1 gone rogue. taught him how to kill but not how to love. Unknown Speaker I like this start. Like where this is going. Unknown Speaker You're gonna have it when you write your novels or whatever Unknown Speaker cool taken. Unknown Speaker I support your dreams. Speaker 2 You don't have to. So he's trips on alarm this time before he even gets up the drain pipe. But again, they're like, oh, it's broken. So they turn it off and go about their business. Sure. He gets up there gets to the roof. This time. He doesn't take his shoes off. He's feeling rude. Speaker 1 He just came on time. Yeah. It figured out so tight. What's on my feet right now when he was sober. That was he it was him trying to prepare? Yeah, he was like, I'm gonna get really drunk or take my shoes off. That was my mistake. Last time mistake Speaker 2 last time. There's sticky notes all over his shoes, telling him his mission. Don't forget. Speaker 1 I like that he has a dual consciousness. Okay, don't forget your mission. But he doesn't know what that is. Unknown Speaker Sticky Note. He's like he's like, Ah, yes. Unknown Speaker I have permission. Unknown Speaker says I have permission to be here. Unknown Speaker My dad said I can Unknown Speaker talk to you Unknown Speaker I like the queen Unknown Speaker so Speaker 2 into the palace again, he's walking around the palace. And here's the deal. Here's the thing. Speaker 3 He's very drunk. He sees the maid. Speaker 2 Well, he doesn't see a maid this time but he realizes he has to pee. And so he starts running around the palace looking for a bathroom. How many bathrooms 770 rooms, four bathrooms? No, I don't know how many bathrooms is Buckingham Palace have many bathrooms and bucking Speaker 1 to 700 300 and a half 7878 bathrooms 70 bathrooms that ratio is pretty rough to be honest. Speaker 2 775 rooms not somebody's 175 bedrooms. Oh, yeah. Unknown Speaker Yeah, I mean, I guess the Throne Room is a room. Yeah, Speaker 2 yeah. 19 State Rooms 52. Royal in guest bedrooms 188 staff bedrooms, 99 offices 78 bathrooms 55 French fries, 55 Burgers 55 pizzas 100 such ease. We're going to listen to the last Unknown Speaker few pizzas and slushies Unknown Speaker burgers. 55 French fries 55 Unknown Speaker totally Speaker 1 stupid. I told you I was writing a bit about that right? Yeah, I have the I have the drive thru bit right now. And I was like gonna do a dang. Saw that good stuff. Yeah, that's a good as two references in a row that we're not going to tell you those are if you get them you get them and if you don't bummer sorry for you join our Discord Speaker 1 Hey, it's me again, thanks for being here for this episode. If you like what we're doing, it does cost us money to do this. And so just think about that. You know, that's it. We have Patreon supporters. And it really helps us to make this show possible. Honestly, we're so grateful for everyone who listens to the show. But there's, there's people who want to make more of it happen and so they financially support the show. And you get a lot back for it. You get our private discord where we chat every day we're hanging out and just getting to bond and hang out. We also do live zoom Hangouts for our Patreon supporters. You get exclusive merch, it's a good time, there's a lot there's a lot in it for you. And it's a lot easier for us because we get to know you better. You know, you're not just a number and a stat board or whatever. But you know, you're our friends and we appreciate you a lot. So consider doing that. If not, then you can listen to this dumb little ad, because that's how we're going to get money from you. We're going to leech from you either way. We're gonna get paid. We're in this for the cold hard cash baby. Anyway, here's an ad. Speaker 2 How do they how do they get it though? I realized I forgot to put a CTA in mind. Oh, dang, we're doing Speaker 1 Yeah, they can text Tillandsia 66866 Thanks, Jared. Speaker 2 So the he starts rushing around the house looking for one of those 78 bath he's asking Speaker 1 the walls. Word yp is what a double cheese. Cheese. He's like, Yeah. P P. And they're like chi he's, you know, Speaker 3 he's eating so much cheese looking for this bathroom. It's like it's not even good anymore. But against the kid. Unknown Speaker Yeah. Unknown Speaker Finally, he finds Unknown Speaker the return the air is hot. So Speaker 2 hot. He finds the royal dog food. And he's like, this is my only option. It pays in the dog food piece in the dog. Because he had no other option. Apparently, I think he just Unknown Speaker that sounds like Unknown Speaker that sounds sounds like terrorism Speaker 1 are the things that like scary, crazy neighbor would do to you know, like, you know, you'd be like having this feud with your neighbor. Yeah, they'd be like, you take your trash cans in I swear I forgot to whatever. And then like all of a sudden a couple weeks later he goes I peed in your dog's food and you said I peed in your dog's food. Yeah, you owned me to Gabi Unknown Speaker you gotta you wanna throw that away now. Speaker 1 Your dogs are eaten my urine kibble. P Rena. You're a scary person saying, you know, Speaker 2 here's the thing about Buckingham Palace. Yeah. When you're walking down the palace halls, there's a lot of rooms right? Yeah, so these rooms are laid lots of rooms. Lots and lots of big big table, the big table and the back with Speaker 1 lots of lots of food not gonna keep this going. How big was the backyard Tim? It was it's it's a UK play. Speaker 2 You could not it was the UK you could play football. You could not you could not and not in the back and Unknown Speaker we could play football. Go Unknown Speaker see it's different. I'm not gonna Oh gosh. Do Unknown Speaker they shout go over there when they sing that song. Instead of touchdown. Unknown Speaker I don't think they sing that song over there. Speaker 1 You know that they're going to sop big house. We lost lots of rooms. A big big table with a big yard. Well, we could play football. A big big is my father's house. You don't think so? It's a pretty big yard. I'm only just now realizing that they use Buckingham Palace for Richie Rich like in the Disney in the Disney yeah original Speaker 2 honestly also might be the house at the end of national treasure that he drives the Lamborghini up to is true or Ferrari or whatever he gets at the end Speaker 1 that's crazy there's always that many fluffy head guys outside and not one of you see there's guys on the roof that's all I'm saying there's snipers on the roof Unknown Speaker there are now this change that oh hey you can see the Queen flying over there Speaker 2 okay so here's the thing when you have a room that big you label your rooms because no one's going to enter the halls like the same. So you're walking through the hall and there's Princess Diana's room. There's some other royal person's room. Oh. Oh, okay. And then there's Queen Elizabeth the Second. Their signs. Yeah. Because Because everyone's you're not gonna remember. And he goes Unknown Speaker q2. Speaker 2 So he meanders into the room. No. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. This is the size of a the size of home we're dealing with here. Yeah, it's not a you walk through the door. And you're in the room. Yeah, there's Speaker 1 a vestibule if you will for Yeah, got a lobby with an assistant. Yeah, yeah. And Speaker 2 so he walks in the room. And there's like a little seating area with an ashtray. And it's like an ornate like crystal ashtray. And so he decides I'm gonna play with a break it so he's just playing with that for a bit and he drops it. I'm hooked Speaker 1 on the grind. Johnson it shatters through it on the ground. You know, they do that over there to wakes the Queen up. No one else he drops Speaker 2 it into shatters. And instead of instead of like being like a hot bomber, he just starts trying to pick it all up and he cuts his hands open. And so he started bleeding from the hands. But he's like, he's like, you're telling me Speaker 1 he can make it through the spikes and the barbed wire. But when it comes to a broken ashtray, this is where he is injured. Yeah. Speaker 2 It says get all bloody a picks up one of the shards of glass and he carries it into the room and so he opens up the room and walks in the room and now Speaker 1 your bloody hands bloody literally red handed, with a shard of glass in your hand. That looks like you're gonna kill the queen. Speaker 2 So you walk into the room and Queen Elizabeth the Second asleep in her bed still. The shattering glass didn't wake her up. The vestibule was large enough, I guess that it swallowed the sound. And so he walks into a room and she's sleeping in bed at 7am She sleeps late apparently. Speaker 1 Well, yeah. What did she got to do that day? She's been up all night. Speaker 2 And so he's he's meandering around a room kind of exploring. What does Queen Elizabeth have in her room? And he's, here's, here's, there's no ways. There's the direct quote. He disturbs a curtain and then allows some sunlight into the room and that sunlight wakes her up. This is not real. And it wakes her up. And she sees this dude standing in her curtains ripping what's holding this glass. And so she grabs the phone and starts calling security calls three times he goes Hey, Unknown Speaker hey, he says the prophecy hey Unknown Speaker I'm not gonna hurt you you've been having some chest pains Speaker 1 you say like what the frickin so she calls security and security and answers she Unknown Speaker calls three times secured you're telling me in a security office Unknown Speaker they don't have a massive red light that says Speaker 3 the Queen's bedroom. Now they're sitting there they're Unknown Speaker the main person is calling your security and it's just he's like he's got his magazine. This is Princess Diana dies in a car accident. He's like wait a minute. He has no This looks good since we haven't done it yet but Unknown Speaker you're still trying to do the phone Unknown Speaker he thinks it's the sodar he thinks he's like Unknown Speaker he's like take the cheese. Take it Unknown Speaker are you talking about Speaker 2 So yeah she calls security three times no one no one answered because it Unknown Speaker go to voicemail for security she Speaker 2 yells get out to watch Michael Fagan drunkenly mumble something but doesn't actually leave and then so she runs into the hall and finds like a housemate and they run and get security and security comps. And sure enough, this dude standing there, buddy hands broken glass, Tangled. Speaker 1 Tangled, over the 14 foot wall. Rotating spikes, barbed wire, Speaker 2 is that last round at the pump, the pump was just starting to hit him, Speaker 1 but you run into a good set of curtains. That's where and that's why it's important to invest in curtains. Speaker 2 And when I say curtains, I don't mean I mean, I mean like drapery like we need them full, full bodied, tangible this very not tangled is your Unknown Speaker home security uncertainty. Fix it with our curtains. Go to go to Tim and Jaron curtains.com right now. Speaker 2 I wish we had like an in house photographer I wish these websites a way to Speaker 1 commerce store to set up some good curtains. Yeah. Unknown Speaker Oh, first of all might have curtains Unknown Speaker we can make a request Speaker 1 out of those curtains on display somewhere as the hero of the ad to intruder. Speaker 2 So they got him. They got him. They removed him from the palace grounds. And Speaker 1 it did cut the curtains tangled up. They said to cut the curtains. He took them with him. Speaker 2 And so there was there was some issues, obviously. They the William White law was the officer on duty like the lead security officer on duty. He was fired. But Margaret Thatcher came back and was like, no, he's fine. Let them continue, but seems like she had. Speaker 1 Yeah. That's sketch it so Unknown Speaker he got his job back. Speaker 2 And so for some reason, at the time, whatever Michael Fagan did was not considered criminal offenses and said they were civil defenses offenses. And so II paid some fines. His largest offense was actually stealing the wire the Speaker 1 Queen No, his largest offense was actually stealing the illegal it'd be within 10 feet of her. Speaker 2 Now it's not Yeah. Legally, how close can I get to the Queen? Unknown Speaker We on the list Speaker 1 is there a real law? So the Queen's COVID-19 policy, what are you looking at right now? Speaker 2 So okay, there's a couple of things here. One, there is a cardinal rule, which is not technically a law, but you have to walk behind the queen. You can never walk in front of her. Yeah, beside her. And then, since 1993, visitors have been allowed to roam the palace. Behind the Queen's death, they don't allow that anymore. Now that she's dead, you guys can come in here. Yeah, we got here. Yeah. And they were like, remember when? Remember we did that one time someone did that. It was really funny. Unknown Speaker Well, it's cuz she's, you know, dead. Speaker 2 They don't know where she is. She's flying around there. Yeah, just kidding. She's been released from her mortal body. So now. And definitely, Speaker 1 there was a whatever she died. There was a story of I forget who it was. But it was like an official in the government walking with her somewhere. And this couple on holiday sees them. And they recognize him. And they're talking about how he's been working for the queen and all this stuff, but they didn't recognize her. And so they had her take a picture. She was like, I'll take the picture and took a picture of them with this guy because he worked with the queen and they were like, thank you so much, you sweet old lady. Unknown Speaker That's Majrooh Unknown Speaker That's hilarious. I love that. Unknown Speaker Anyways, so he Speaker 1 did that a Disney with your a little bit that you like where you're like, oh, yeah, I'll take a picture. She did that. It does. See where some people recognize the two of us? Yeah. And they're like, we get a picture. She said, Yeah, and then handed me their phone. That's really all there. She takes it and goes, thank you and then made me take a picture of them. And Speaker 2 that's really funny. I like that a lot. Did you take a picture with him after that? Yeah. Now you shouldn't have. Unknown Speaker Yeah. And then I drove us. So first. Speaker 2 It was just a civil offense, civil offense. He actually only got charged with stealing the wine. But that charge ended up later getting dropped. Speaker 1 But I mean, how much is Palestine worth? That might still be Speaker 2 well, in a later interview, he said it was a cheap Californian. Oh, yeah. But he got dropped because they Unknown Speaker used to call Reagan's landlord Unknown Speaker just a cheap. Speaker 1 I mean, yeah, that's not gonna get fixed landlords a cheap California. Yeah. Speaker 2 So he was in the charges got dropped because they committed him for a psychiatric evaluation. And so he got examined for that. And they decided he was just drunk. Oh, interesting. Now he spent three months in a psychiatric hospital was released in January 1983. Geez. And then the rest of his life was kind of uneventful except for two things. He fought a police guard and went to jail for a little bit after that and then he went to prison for three years for conspiracy to sell heroin Unknown Speaker but did not very Unknown Speaker okay if after that Sure, Speaker 1 yeah, yeah, go to sell heroin. Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, so nothing major in his life. There was episode of the queen or the crown not the Queen the crown Netflix's the crown. Oh, that had this where a Michael taken breaks into the palace to meet the Queen and have a word with her because he was worried about Margaret Thatcher's leadership. Oh, but that wasn't really what happened. He was just a drunk. They adapted it to be like, Oh, he wanted to talk to her about policy and stuff held her hostage and he was like, this is the only way they have like a heart to heart in the show. And Speaker 1 oh, do they? She wakes up she was well security's not answering. She was well what are your biggest fears? Why are you here? Like she's she's gonna hostage negotiate her way out? Yes, like, honestly, I just needed to feel heard. Thank you, Queen. Unknown Speaker Thanks, Queen. Thanks, Queen. Speaker 1 You know what? I hope happens. I hope that there's a stupid movie made where they call it the Queen kills one of the demons or whatever. Yeah, I'm talking about Yeah, and then another character goes slay queen. And I just I resent the fact that I know that movie would get funding before whatever projects we want. You know? Unknown Speaker It Yeah. So anyways Speaker 1 What's he did he die now? How old? Are you still alive? He still does interviews. He's just never. He's never asked to do them. But he does. Yeah, he just breaks into the newsroom. Unknown Speaker It's okay guys. Speaker 2 It's me, Michael Fagan. Intruder. Like yeah, Unknown Speaker they're like yeah, we Unknown Speaker wanted to put the glass down, buddy. Speaker 1 He's got it. He's gonna zone supersuit it's just the curtain from Valley No, he just bought an incredible super suit any eye he's like it stands for intruder. It was an incredible Halloween costume Unknown Speaker Michael Speaker 3 and he's like No, it's just you're supposed to hate just go with it. It's for the news to be on TV. Unknown Speaker So that's all I Speaker 2 did. That's all I did. Yeah, that's Michael thing. Oh, he's the intruder who successfully broke into Buckingham Palace. Buckingham Palace Unknown Speaker his address Speaker 2 Buckingham Palace is located at I assumed that would be the top of the Wikipedia page but apparently it's not so let's just search Buckingham Palace Unknown Speaker address you're on so many watch list Unknown Speaker could I get to the Queen without it being Unknown Speaker Rockingham Palace address Speaker 2 it's literally London SW one a one a double A UK I don't know how the UK does addresses but that's so Speaker 1 he is the intruder of London Swa one wa UK Yeah, yeah. No it doesn't flow as well as the watcher but the ones All hail the intruder. Unknown Speaker Oh well the industry man Well, okay. Speaker 2 I love this guy. I just love the fact that honestly the same thing you said that he got over that wall, but it was Speaker 1 the drapes that drapes that the drapes of wrath. What's crazy is that to this day you can take Buckingham Palace tours. Yeah, no, Unknown Speaker well you can't anymore. Yes you can. Speaker 1 No you have enough money. Yeah, do they love the rich people fiddle off the Queen Speaker 2 things either last night is a production of space Tim medium produced by Christian Taylor audio by Alex Garnett video by Connor Betts. Our graphics and our logo by Caleb Goldberg and our social media is run by Caleb Walker. Our hosts are Jared Meyers and Tim stone falls on your favorite social media platform at Taylan podcast is Ti LL and podcast. Remember to tell all your friends about us and we'll see you next Tuesday for another episode of things I learned last night. Transcribed by https://otter.ai